Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Last night I had the weirdest stress dream I have ever had. It involved participating in a group heist at a dance hall, being arrested by fake cops and taken to a jail which was actually a bar that we had to work in, having people try to force me to eat food I can't have, secret doors in bathrooms, and uncovering the fact that this was all an elaborate ruse to try to get me to buy the bar. There was a lot of running and screaming at people in the dream, and when I woke up I felt like I had spent the night running and screaming rather than sleeping. Not ideal.

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It's been a while.

I needed to get some distance from this blog, I think. Also, what little time I have between work, school, and a couple of other projects, usually finds me too tired to do much more than watch TV. And sometimes even that is too much and I just end up sitting and staring into space.

There are some big and exciting changes rolling out soon in terms of my photography. When's soon? When the big hand hits the 's' and the little hand hits the 'oon.' Bonus points if you get that reference. Honestly, I can't give you a firm date, and for now I'll still be here. Posting sporadically. Hopefully that's okay with y'all.

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Also, I really like this picture. Just, you know, in case you were wondering.

Birthday Blessings

2013 started off really well. I had high hopes and a good feeling about the year. Then the next week and a half walloped me with stress and anxiety and pretty much every other unpleasant emotion you can think of.

And then my birthday rolled around.

I just had a profoundly lovely, low-key day. There was skating and Beaver Tails, beautiful presents from my family, brunch with a couple ladies who I haven't seen for far too long, a leisurely wander through Chapters, good news on the job search front, good news on the PhD applications reference letter front, delightful news about a dearly missed friend coming to visit in about a month, and semi-plans for some future social outings. I've been crying a lot of happy tears today.

P.S. Remember the first time I took a picture of these bolts? I've accumulated...oh, one or two other shots of them since. I took this one when my family was down at Christmastime.

Hard Choices

Decisions. I am not good at them. And I seem to have found myself in a position where no matter what I choose it feels wrong. Of course, this also means that no matter what I choose it feels right. I am not sure what to do with this. Unfortunately my trusty pro-con lists are failing me. They balance out, making them as unhelpful as consulting the ocean and its ever-changing tides or looking for the truth in the strange combination of seagrass and acorns.

Things That Might Go Wrong

Things That Might Go Wrong

John Steffler

I was trained to be cautious:

my father always there

two steps ahead of my every move:

"If you hold it like that it'll slip....

Now what are you going to do with it?...

I saw a guy try that once and it tore off his arm."

But I go beyond such rote-learned caution.

I am creatively cautious, exquisitely

sensitive to things that might go wrong.

Quicker than any computer my mind

scoots down dozens of possible turns events might take,

spotting the dangers,

clucking warnings automatically as a hen.

Now, lying in bed, I listen as

my young daughter goes to feed the dog.

Not in his water bowl! I think to yell.

Such a nag, I tell myself.

Always your fretful plaint rotting everything.

Poor kid.

Still free. Purely happy getting his food.

Keep out of it.

You'll make her hate you in the end,

look back some day and see

you were the hole that let in doubt and fear.

Even when there's no rattle of dry dog food,

even when I hear the dog slurping his breakfast

I don't say a word.

I lie grinning, victorious,

having checked all the dangers

and dodged the worst.

Wonder temporarily overpowering the mind

astonishment, n.
4. Mental disturbance or excitement due to the sudden presentation of anything unlooked for or unaccountable; wonder temporarily overpowering the mind; amazement.

I've been finding myself astonished quite frequently lately. Here are some of the (good) things that have been provoking this sensation:

The friends I've made out here. They are some incredible people.

The fact that it has already been 8 months since I've moved. Crazy!

The small, simple moments of beauty that are everywhere.

All of your wallowing is unbecoming

Come Back Down
Greg Laswell (feat. Sara Bareilles)

Come on now you good friends, are you waiting this one out
You've gotta come back down
You've gotta come back down
Look around you, you're the only one dragging this out
You've gotta come back down
You've gotta come back down
All of your wallowing is unbecoming
All of your wallowing is unbecoming
You've gotta take it on your own from here
It's getting pathetic
And I'm almost done here
You've gotta take it on your own from here
It's getting pathetic
And I'm almost done here

What you set out to kill off has been gone some time now
You've gotta come back down
You've gotta come back down
Head out any further and you might just forget how
You've gotta come back down
You've gotta come back down
All of your wallowing is unbecoming
All of your wallowing is unbecoming
You've gotta take it on your own from here
It's getting pathetic
And I'm almost done here
You've gotta take it on your own from here
It's getting pathetic
And I'm almost done here

All of your wallowing is unbecoming
All of you wallowing is unbecoming
You've gotta take it on your own from here
It's getting pathetic
And I'm almost done here
You've gotta take it on your own from here
It's getting pathetic
And I'm almost done here
You've gotta take it on your own from here
You've gotta come back down
You've gotta come back down
You've gotta come back down
You've gotta come back down
You've gotta come back down
You've gotta come back down
You've gotta come back down
You've gotta come back down


If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know I like my singer/songwriter artists, and that I am a serious fan of Sara Bareilles. So, I ask you what could be better than one of my favourite singer/songwriters teaming up with Sara Bareilles? Pretty much nothing. Plus, at this point in the term, sometimes I could use a reminder not to wallow. And frankly I would rather hear it from Greg and Sara than from someone else.