Justification

I had a conversation today with someone I count as a friend that really bothered me. In this case it's not what was said, but how it was said. It's that incredulous tone people adopt whenever I talk about school and my academic world. The tone that says, "why would you do that?" and "that sounds like a total waste of time and energy." The attitude that causes people to say things like "I want to do so much more than research. I don't want to sit up in an ivory tower researching pointless things. I want to do something that has actual meaning and significance in the world." The attitude that constantly prompts the question, "And what are you going to do with an English degree?" or "What can you do with a Master's of English?", and not in a genuinely curious way either. I am tired of justifying myself to others. In part this is because I have yet to successfully translate my passion for literature into something that can truly be conveyed to others. So, a lot of my frustration is with myself. But it's more than that. It's the fact that people write off what I'm passionate about so flippantly. I know that I am guilty of this myself on occasion, but I am trying lately to be very conscious of it. I grew up with a group of people who, by and large, knew exactly where they were headed in life. Many of the people I grew up with are in school to become, or are already, doctors, teachers, engineers, nurses, veterinarians, computer experts and government workers. And when I am in those circles of people I often feel judged for not pursuing a "traditional" and "meaningful" profession. Even the people I've met in university who have no idea what they want to do now that they've graduated sometimes seem to think that their degrees hold more value than mine, or that because they've chosen to go into the workforce rather than go back to school they are somehow contributing more to society. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to go to graduate school. It is not for everybody. Sometimes I'm not even sure it's right for me. Nor do I wish to disparage those, or any other, professions. They are wonderful pursuits and I am thrilled when, for example, my friends who are going to be teachers light up with passion for what they are learning and doing. I'm irked, however, by the idea that going to school and finding a job are somehow not on equal footing when it comes to their intrinsic value. And I am even more bothered by the idea that seems to be so prevalent in society that choosing to pursue research (unless perhaps you are searching for a cure for cancer or alternative fuel sources or something) is not as important as other professions. No, I'm not curing cancer. I understand that. But literature holds such power and importance in human lives. We are inherently linguistic creatures. We are people of stories. We construct ourselves by telling our own stories. We understand ourselves by our own accounts of our stories. We come to understand ourselves better through an interaction with other people's stories. As Michael Ondaatje says in his novel Divisadero, "We live permanently in the recurrence of our own stories, whatever story we tell." Literature, and art in a broader sense, has the power to be transformative, to be healing, to be enlightening. Again, Michael Ondaatje writes, "sometimes we enter art to hide within it. It is where we can go to save ourselves, where a third person voice protects us." Is it not worthwhile to spend time deeply examining something that holds so much sway in humanity? Is it not worth time to try to understand what our literature is saying about us? I think it is. This is what excites me most about literature and language: the human expression, the fact that it simultaneously reveals and shapes us. Even if you are not the direct reader. Literature seeps into popular culture. It influences everything you see; advertisements, television shows, movies, are all permeated by references to literature. It's role in defining us is so immense that I don't think the full extent of it can even be understood. There are so many other things that I could say this of, art and music come to mind immediately, but the one that I have chosen to pursue formally right now is literature. So, that is why I am doing what I'm doing. That is my rambling and possibly unclear explanation of why I am passionate about literary research and studying. And I'm sorry if that is not good enough for you.