Missing You

Paper-writing season is upon us.
I think my bed misses me.
I know I miss it.

Beautiful, yet heavy

We live in a beautiful but terrifying world...dread is facing something squarely. I am drawn to poets who do this; they look at things and do not look away. -- Anne Simpson

I'm working on a paper for my Canadian Ekphrasis class right now. This is the class that has been keeping me going this semester. I am so deeply in love with it. For those of you who don't know, ekphrasis is poetry that is "poetry that speaks to or of an art object" (definition taken from Peter Barry's article "Contemporary Poetry and Ekphrasis"). Anne Simpson, one of the poets I'm working with, wrote a corona responding to seven works by Brueghel and a series of photographs of the Staten Island landfill where the debris from the World Trade Center after 9/11 was sorted. It's heavy stuff. Profoundly beautiful, yet terribly heavy. After a few hours I start to feel odd, like I've become weighted down by something, shackled by a grief and horror that is both my own and yet not mine at all.

Just because it's pretty

This photo has nothing to do with anything really. I just like it.


I thought I should drop in here and let you all know that I'm not dead. I'm just a student rapidly approaching the end of the semester. And since I'm trying to maintain a social life for the sake of my sanity, I've been a bit busy lately.

Too soon?

Yes, I know that American Thanksgiving isn't until November 24.
Yes, I know that there isn't snow here yet (and I am not complaining about that).
But Edmonton got it's first snowfall of the season a few days ago and my Facebook news feed was inundated with people writing excited status updates.
And there are Christmas decorations on display at the drugstore.
And the post office is decorated for Christmas.
And basically I just really love Christmas and am ridiculously excited for it.
I think I should get credit for waiting until after Remembrance Day to post about this.

Let me hold your crown, babe

King of Anything
Sara Bareilles

Keep drinking coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for your time
And try not to waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you, babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So, you dare tell me who to be?
Who died
And made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
Swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction
But you'll never see

You're so busy making maps
With my name on them in all caps
You've got the talking down, just not the listening

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So, you dare tell me who to be?
Who died
And made you king of anything?

All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waiting for someone to tell me
It's my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So, you dare tell me who to be?
Who died
And made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So, you dare tell me who to be?
Who died
And made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe


Ever have a song that became a kind of anthem for you? That's what this song is for me. I listen to it on repeat. I dance around my apartment and sing along to it. If I had to pick a theme song that would play whenever I entered a room I think I would have to pick this one. Not because I totally don't care what anyone thinks of me, but because every time I listen to I'm reminded that I don't have to care what everyone else thinks of me. As lame as that sounds, it's something I'm still figuring out. Although, I've gotten a lot better lately. Some of my friends back home would probably be a little bit surprised to see me out here.

Reasons why being sick is worse when you live by yourself

I just spent 60 hours in bed because I was rugby tackled by the flu. Today I managed to drag myself out of bed, shower, put on clothes and go to the drug store. Just so you know, the drug store is basically right outside my door. It takes about 30 seconds to get there. That's how sick I was. I couldn't imagine making a 30 second walk to get medicine. Being sick isn't fun at the best of times, but it's so much worse when you live by yourself. See, when I'm at home, I have my parents. My mom is awesome at taking care of me when I'm sick. She makes sure I do things like drink water. And my dad is always willing to run out to get me medicine or food. And for the past 4 years I've been living with roommates who were absolute god-sends when I got sick. They would write me little get well notes, make me soup and tea, and ignore the fact that I was supposed to be quarantined in order to come read me Dr. Seuss. I missed that a lot. Instead, I was the one who had to get any food or water I needed. I had to make sure I actually hydrated myself. I didn't have anyone to send on a drugstore run, so I just suffered without medicine. It was not fun. I'm still nowhere near 100% but the fact that I showered and got dressed is a good sign. Baby steps, people, baby steps.

Meanwhile

I'm a big fan of the background, the stuff that isn't the centre of attention. I'm the kind of person who looks at the groom when the bride enters the church. The kind of person who will start laughing over a typo on a sign no one else is looking at. The kind of person who photographs light fixtures at a wedding reception. These chandeliers at M & E's wedding reception were stunning. Since I'm someone with a penchant for vintage, a love of luxury, and an adoration of light, these are pretty much my dream light fixtures.