Rain, rain on my face

It has been grey and rainy and rather blah for a few days now. All this would not be such an issue except for the wind. Ah well. Nothing to be done about it. The dreary weather always makes me think about the East Coast and how much I love it there. This picture is from the last time I was in Nova Scotia. Rain on the car window as we drove along the highway. Perhaps if it is still rainy tomorrow I'll have to go out and try and get some good shots to share here.

At least the inclement weather means that I don't want to be outside. I managed to get a good amount of unpacking done today. All of my clothes and shoes now have homes and I have made a good start on the unpacking of books. If you know me then you know that all three of those categories of belongings are not small in my world. I have a lot of shoes. And clothes. But books are my real weakness; I just can't stop buying them. Speaking of which. I just finished Nikolski by Nicolas Dickner. Fantastic read. Very postmodern in the way it is structured and has some major elements of magic realism going on, but compelling and lovely. It kind of reminded me of Green Grass Running Water by Thomas King, which we read in the second half of my Canadian Lit course. Only, I think Nikolski is better. Hopefully tomorrow I can tackle the rest of my books and get a start on the random items I have have. One of the fun things about cleaning my room is finding old cards and letters. I found a couple from when my friend was living in France for a year. And a couple of old birthday cards from my best friend, which made me smile because of how much we have changed and how true her predictions that we would be friends for life are. Even though we have both changed so much, and we have gone through periods of being in ridiculous fights, we're still best friends. It's nice to have someone you can count on for that, someone that you know you can always talk to about anything. I also stumbled across my journals from YLP, which made for a fun trip down memory lane. They also made me terribly glad to not be a teenager anymore. Man was that an awkward phase of my life.

Yesterday was disgusting. On the bright side, I got a fantastic new haircut. On the down side NO ONE is hiring for the summer. I'm waiting to hear back from a couple places, but by and large people wouldn't even take my resume. Gah. Oh well, I'm sure everything will work itself out. The place that I really really really want to work took my resume so I'm hoping for a call from them some time soon.

*Title comes from the lyrics to "Flood" by Jars of Clay

Dreary Days

The weather has turned grey and rainy lately. This would be perfectly acceptable except for the fact that the wind has also picked up to ridiculous levels making it next to impossible to be outside for any length of time. Plus the wind negates any possibility of using an umbrella. I moved out of the apartment today and this windy rainy grossness is definitely not ideal moving weather. On the subject of activities that are not ideal in this weather, I am getting a haircut tomorrow (yay!) which means that I have to head down to Whyte on the bus in the rainy windy grossness.

The scribbly, mindless nature of this picture kind of sums up how I'm feeling right now. The dullness of the weather plus the post-exams sensation of brainlessness plus the ridiculousness of packing/unpacking plus the beginning of the job hunt have all combined to reduce my mind to little more than a bowl of soup. I hate these transitional phases. They are always awkward and leave me feeling all off-kilter. I know that once I find a job for the summer things will settle down and feel a little less awkward, but just the nature of being a student seems to leave me in this position a lot. Even though my parents' house is still home it just feels impermenant somehow. I think because I'm only here for four months over the summer...I don't know. I read a post a while ago from Delightfully Tacky, one of my favorite bloggers, where she talked about the feeling that a phase of your life is like a puzzle piece that just doesn't quite fit. That is exactly the sensation that I have right now. Scribbles. Mashed puzzle pieces. It's like someone let a two year old loose in my life.

Empty

I handed in my last final this morning, so I am officially done for another year! Woohoo! I move out of the apartment tomorrow afternoon so I'm at the tail end of the packing process and my room is currently strangely empty. My desk had my computer, my bamboo, and a pile of makeup on it. If you have ever seen my desk on a normal day then you know that this is pretty remarkable. There's nothing on my shelves, the furniture I brought with me is gone, there is nothing on my walls (except my calander, which I just noticed I forgot to pack). I dislike sitting in empty rooms like this. In order to document the strange sense of emptiness that is currently in my room, I figured a picture of an empty coffee cup was appropriate. This is from the same coffee shop/internet cafe in Banff that we stopped at during choir tour my first year as this photo from a few weeks ago. That is exactly how my room is right now, just the residue of life left in it. It is very strange.

The words I want have all been used to write a million other songs*

*The title of this post comes from "Insomnia" by Jessica Heine.

I have been feeling rather uninspired and unartistic lately. I tend to hit this kind of slump at the end of every school year. Something about the combination of exams and packing and unpacking just knocks all the creatvity out of my body. I think I need to immerse myself in something creative. Perhaps go to the art gallery. Or spend an entire day reading poetry. Or head somewhere cool in the city and take a bunch of photos. Sadly, that will have to wait a few more days because I'm still finishing up a take home and am only halfway through the packing process (and that doesn't even include the unpacking part of moving). Blah. So, this is a picture from Christmas of 2008. I was playing around with different settings on my Rebel and taking pictures of the Christmas lights and got this shot. While it probably qualifies as a really horrible picture because it reveals a remarkable lack of skills in setting various things and in holding the camera still, I think it looks kind of cool. Artsy, if you will. Plus, I love light and playing with light in photography. Right now, I'll take what I can as far as feeling artistic goes.

Worn Out

Hey. Sorry about the hiatus I've been on the past few days. I had a minor meltdown Tuesday night and then I spent Wednesday, Thursday, Friday writing exams and starting the slow and unsightly process of moving back home for the summer. Half of my belongings are now at the apartment and half of them are here at my parents' house. Fortuantely, I only have a take-home exam left and then I am free and clear. The unpacking process will be ugly (it always is), but I'm looking forward to having an organized room (because right now it really isn't). I'm feeling a bit worn out. Four exams in three days is pretty nasty. Although I know people who had five in three days, so at least I didn't have that. This rundown house and beat up car seemed to suit my mood. Exhausted. Yet there is still something gorgeous about them that just cries out be be documented photographically. I am in no way implying that the gorgeous part is also applicable to me, just the worn out part (although the other day one of my roommates told me that it is unfair that I can spend an entire day studying, go write an exam, and still look good at the end of the day...). Moving on, this picture is from one of the Easter breaks that I spent in Champion. There is definitely something about small towns. I think it is best described as charm. Cities don't tend to have charm, many other positive attributes, but it seems that charm is a quality almost exclusive to small towns. I like it.

Memento Mori

I'm in the midst of frenzied studying for finals. Right now I'm working through art history notes, although I think I'm going to have to head to bed soon. And then I have a full day of cramming for lit theory and Shakespeare tomorrow. Bleh. Anyway. One of the paintings I just read about is "Flower Still Life" by Rachel Ruysch, which is very pretty, but also introduces the concepts of a vanitas subject and a memento mori. Basically, a vanitas painting is one in which all of the elements symbolize the transience of life and a memento mori is a specific object intended to remind the viewer of the inevitability of death and the brevity of life. Flowers function as a memento mori because they have a brief life span and thier beauty fades quickly. I like this picture as a memento mori because you can already see death beginning to eat away at the edges of the petals. It's still beautiful though.

Little Bits of Joy

This is not the photo I wanted to put up today, but I couldn't find the one I was looking for so this is the one you guys get. It still fits with where I'm going though. Little spiderweb with raindrops caught all over it. It's one of those details that caught my eye. I'm big on taking close up photos because I think there is something wonderful about taking the time to notice the details of life. I love finding those small things that are beautiful, those tiny moments that make me smile (either out of amusement or contentment). I think I need to take my own advice today. Finals begin on Wednesday and I have officially entered the blind panic stage. I need to remember to stop and think about the good things in my life sometimes. Like, Friday night I went to improv with some friends. And it was genuinely fun and made me laugh harder than I have laughed in quite a while. Or the fact that it has been gorgeous all weekend. Or that the Ballyhoo came out on Friday and I had three pictures published in it and got to spend some time luxuriating in the incredible artistic talents of some of my friends. So, as exams approach, I am promising myself that I will take time to notice the tiny rain-covered spiderwebs in life and take the time to look at them and smile, to find the beauty in the midst of the chaos.

Gorgeous

The past couple days have been positively beautiful out. It is quite delightful actually. Unfortunately, I was inside all day studying for finals. Or rather, attempting to study since my actual productivity was questionable to say the least. Oh well. That is how it goes. At least there was sunshine streaming in and fresh air rushing in the open window.

I took this picture on a similarly beautiful day, a couple summers ago on the August long weekend. Cheryl and I went for a walk around her parent's house and ended up sitting by this little manmade lake thing as the sun was setting. It was a really lovely moment.

Advertising

Sorry, this is kind of a lame post. But it's getting late and I'm feeling profoundly uncreative. We were talking about pop art and modern advertising in art history tonight, so here is a lovely picture of a billboard in Toronto. I think it's kind of cool.

Rambling on...

I am a rambler. Seriously. This was proven once and for all today when I finished the rough draft of my last paper of the sememster. It was supposed to be something like 9 pages. My initial rough draft was 25. Yeah. Fortunately I was able to edit it down to a much more acceptable length. I am now officially done with papers for this school year. Now I just have to worry about finals.

Whenever I think of the word "ramble" I always think of strolling down mountain/forest paths. Long walks and sunshine. Thus the picture choice. This is from PEI a few years ago. I think this bridge is part of the Lovers Lane walk from the Green Gables house (if you have read Anne of Green Gables you know what I'm talking about, if you haven't...you should). Wouldn't that just be a lovely way to spend an afternoon? Strolling through picturesque paths with someone you love. Delightful.

Housekeeping issue: if you're reading this and intend to or already do read my blog on a regular basis could you please become a follower? I realize not everyone is big into that and unless you actually look at your blogger dashboard thing it makes no difference whatsoever if you are a follower or not. However, I just like knowing how many people are actually reading this thing. Thanks to those of you who already follow. And thank you for the comments. They always make my day.

Drowning in a Flood

Don't worry, I'm not drowning in an actual flood. Just a flood of school work, but that is normal for this time of year. This picture is from a couple summers ago when I spent a day out at my friend's cabin on the lake. Good times indeed. It was really windy that day so the water was pretty awesome looking. Keep reading to find out how this is relevant to my day.

Did you ever play that game when you were a kid where there was a bunch of objects and then you were told (usually in song) that "one of these things just doesn't belong here, one of these things just isn't the same". I think they used to have it on Sesame Street. Anyway. Here's one for you, pick the thing in the following list that does not fit in:

a) Floods/water

b) Ark/boat

c) Animals

d) Feminist Theory

If you answered d) then you would be correct. I'm still working on my last paper of the semester (discussed yesterday). I can honestly say that I never thought I would be writing a paper about a feminist critique of Noah and the flood. Nonetheless, here I am! Writing away. I have discovered two things about myself in this process. First, I am horrible at writing about theoretical issues. I just can't explain them in concrete terms. Second, I seriously need to find the switch in my brain that makes me stop writing. I constantly write papers that are WAY over the length requirements. Fortunately most of my profs are okay with that. I think that when I'm done with the rough draft this paper is probably going to be about twice as long as it needs to be. The paper I handed in last week was also like that. Although, with editing I managed to cut that one down by four pages so it was only 11 pages once I handed it in. It was supposed to be 6-8. Oops. Oh well. I hope all of you who are also working on end of term stuff are holding up well! All right. Back to trucking on through (for some reason I've been using that phrase a lot lately...isn't it interesting how sometimes you will end up using a word or a phrase all the time and then suddenly stop?)

Not Wanted on the Voyage

I'm currently working on the outline for my literary theory paper, which is on Timothy Findley's novel, Not Wanted on the Voyage and feminist theory. Not the world's most stimulating topic, but also not the most boring topic I've written on, so I'll survive. Anyway. Since the novel is a feminist/postcolonial/ecocritical rewrite of the flood narrative from Genesis, most of it involves a rather large boat. Not nearly as pretty as this one, according to the novel anyway, the Bible doesn't really specify how pretty the ark was, just how to build it. As a result, I have boats on the mind. As I was trolling through my pictures from various trips to places near water I came across this one from my trip to Nova Scotia in 2008. I actually didn't know that I had this picture, but I am definitely a fan of it. I love how the blue of the ship and the red of the flag just pop against the greyish background. I actually posted a picture of this ship's masts and rigging a few weeks ago. Sorry this is such a short post. I keep getting great ideas for posts I could do but they all take some time to put together, so until I have made it through the rest of the semester I'll just have to keep those ideas on the back burner. I should probably write them down somewhere otherwise they are likely to get lost in the upcoming cramming for finals. All right. Back to the outline!

Breath of Spring

The sun came out today, which was a lovely change after the grey skies, insane wind, and snow of the past few days. Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and spring like as well so that's good. Apparently this a brief respite though since the snow is supposed to return on Tuesday. I know this is Edmonton, but couldn't it just rain instead? At least if it was raining it would still feel like spring. But snow, come on! I know I talk about the weather a lot, but Edmonton has ridiculous weather in the spring. Plus it has a major effect on my mood.

In honour of the breath of spring that we are getting, I bring you some pictures of flower buds. I can't wait to start seeing these guys out on the trees and in the gardens.

To Heal a Soul

Music is like a drug for me. I live my life to an almost continual soundtrack. This was the first year that I wasn't in some sort of formal music class (piano lessons, voice lessons, choir) and I have been going through serious bouts of withdrawal. It's a good thing I have a piano in my apartment and a vast (and ever growing) library of music on my computer. Music is what keeps me sane. It can turn my mood around or it can make whatever I'm feeling that much more intense, depending on what I want. Music energizes me. I never grow tired of discovering new artists and always love making music whether it is a casual jam session or just playing the piano or singing in choir. There is simply something magical in music.

I actually had a completely different post planned for today, but then tonight my roommates convinced me to abandon my plans of being incredibly productive and go to the acoustic cafe night that was going on in the dorm lounge. I was really reluctant because I was super tired and stressed. I forgot how amazing it can be to listen to someone playing guitar and singing live and how much fun it is when everybody knows the song and sings along. It completely turned my mood around. I'm feeling energized (although that will end as soon as I crawl into bed and turn out the lights) and just so much more relaxed. Music to heal a soul. This picture just seemed right.

I love this picture a lot. I played with the color a bit after I took it, but the warmth just seemed appropriate for the music (it's from Schumann's "Kinderszenen" Op. VII "Träumeri" - positively beautiful).

April Blizzard

It is blizzarding outside. Actually, I'm not sure it qualifies as a blizzard, but the winds are gusting to 60 km/h and it is -10 with the windchill and there is snow falling from the sky. It was 14 degrees or something this afternoon. I know I live in Edmonton, but this is just ridiculous. In a nice example of pathetic fallacy the weather got nastier as my day got worse. At least I don't feel horrible while it is sunny and warm out, because that is always unfortunate.

I am consoling myself with pictures of tropical plants from the Muttart Conservatory. This one is from Family Day in February. I love how everything is so lush and green and then there is just this perfect hit of pink in the flower. Delightful. Plus looking at it makes me think of the lovely humid warmth of the tropical greenhouse. Mmmmm. Warmth.

Burning the Midnight Oil

I don't actually have an oil lamp and we aren't allowed to have candles in rez (not that people don't, I just happen to choose to abide by this rule mostly because I am terrified I will forget about a candle and burn the building down) so I figured that a picture of the lightbuld in my trusty IKEA desk lamp was the next best thing. After all, I typically use it while writing papers in the wee hours of the morning.

Self-discovery of the day: Sometime last year I figured out that I am infinitely more productive homework-wise if I leave the apartment and work in the SAC/library/New Wing. Now, just because I know this does not mean I always do it, but I attempt to do it relatively often. However, for some reason I firmly believed that I could only write papers in my room. This was mostly because I talk to myself while writing papers and tend to get up and pace around and such. Plus, I need approximately a million books with me whenever I am writing a paper (one of which is typically my OED) even if I am not actually using them. My room has been stressing me out though and I really needed to get a serious start on this paper this evening so that I wasn't pulling an all-nighter so I decided to try going to the New Wing. Apparently I should have tried this a lot earlier in my academic career. 8 1/2 pages written in 3 hours. And that includes breaks. So it no longer looks like I will be up until all hours of the night. Hoorah!

Childhood Memories

Over Easter weekend I was thinking about some of the Easter traditions we used to have as kids. I remember going down to Trochu to spend the weekend with my grandparents and dying hardboiled eggs in various colours and waking up to a treasure hunt for our Easter treats. I miss that. Instead my Easter was filled with reading about whether Shakespeare's Desdemona is the classic abused wife or not (I am arguing she isn't just in case you were wondering) and about the Impressionists and Post-Impressionists (who I love to pieces but spending an entire day taking notes on them gets a bit boring) and writing reflections on postmodern literary theorists (which is confusing). Oh for the days of childhood, when everything was so much simpler. I think my favorite memories are of my brother and I dancing around the livingroom in the condo I grew up in to The Barra MacNeils or Micheal Card or the soundtrack for The Lion King. It's funny, I spent a lot of time when I was younger wishing that I could just be grown up and now that I am grown up I just want to be a kid again. Anyone else find that?

This picture evokes little kid feelings in me. I love amusement parks in general, but I have a soft spot for carousels (by the way, is there a difference between a carousel and a merry-go-round?). This is not because they are my favorite ride (although they are fun), but because they are so pretty. This particular one is in Fort Edmonton Park in the midway they opened a couple of years ago. It's a restored antique from the 1930s (I think it's the 30s) and is so cool.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Sorry about being MIA this weekend. I was at my parents and I just don't spend as much time on the computer when I'm there. Probably because I don't have to use my computer to play music and therefore it is not always on. It just seems silly to have a stereo in my tiny dorm room when all of my music is on my computer anyway. I decided on Friday that even though I had monstrous amounts of homework to do on the weekend I needed to destress a bit. And that worked great Friday and Saturday. I got some research done on Friday and then headed to a Good Friday service with my family and got to catch up with some friends that I don't talk to nearly enough. Saturday I went for tea with three of my incredibly good friends and then we went to church in the evening and I came home and decided that it would be my day off so I just read The Anthologist by Nicholson Baker, which is positively beautiful. Books like that remind me why I love words so much. Sadly, this lovely, non-stressful weekend came to a crashing halt Sunday night when I suddenly ran headlong into the brick wall of end of the year stress. Cue the blind panic and the obsessive list-making and the desire to scream my head off. Actually, I was doing some Art History reading today and one on the images was Edvard Munch's The Scream and the textbook says this: "In the painting itself...the figure is on a bridge and the scream emanates from him. Although he vainly attempts to shut out its sound by covering his ears, the screm fills the landscape with clouds of 'actual blood'." Now, the last couple words are a quote from Munch himself and make a lot more sense when you read the whole section on the painting, but I won't subject you to that. Anyway, I read that and thought "how appropriate" given that I really would appreciate a good gut-wrenching, soul-cleansing scream right about now. I actually feel like this tiny little part of my brain is just constantly screaming for the last month or so of every semester and no matter how hard I try to shut it out I just keep hearing this panic-filled scream. Ah well.

Moving on from my stress to the lovely springy picture. It was actually a beautiful weekend weather-wise. It was a little bit cloudy and looked like it might rain (it didn't) on Saturday night, but otherwise it was lovely. I got to do my reading in the sunshine, which was lovely. I had to compete with the cats though since there is limited sunshiney real estate in the house. This picture is from a couple years ago and is of some of the flowers on one of our neighbour's trees. They have these three trees that are just beautiful in every season (I talked about them here). I'm excited to see them in bloom again. Pictures like this have the ability to make me pause, take a deep breath, and let a sense of calm wash over me, all of which are really good things at this time of year. I think it has to do with the lighting and the color and the fact that it's a flower...they all combine to whisper "spring is coming" and that lifts my spirits.

Long Weekend! Long Weekend! Long Weekend!

I survived! The long weekend is upon us! To celebrate, I bring you a picture of brightly coloured candy. Fun fun fun! I am so excited to sleep and not have to wake up to an alarm tomorrow. Ahhhhhh.

Doodles

I literally feel like my brain has stopped working. I'm still forming complete sentences though so that is a good thing. I had an unintended nap this afternoon so I don't feel tired, but I do feel rather useless and that is not making the process of editing my Art History paper that is due tomorrow very pleasant. This mental state made a picture of random doodling seem appropriate since this is about the level my brain is functioning at. I actually like this picture for its sheer randomness and its color.

If you have some time to kill you should wander over to "My Love for You is a Stampede of Horses" and read this post on a studio visit with Steve MacDonald (aka Ramblin Worker). He works mostly with sewing and machine embroidery and some of his work is really really cool. I am loving the alphabet print and the bicycle print. Either of those would make a super cute skirt or dress or tshirt. Actually, on his facebook fan page he has pictures of a tshirt that has both letters and bikes on it...awesome.