2013 started off really well. I had high hopes and a good feeling about the year. Then the next week and a half walloped me with stress and anxiety and pretty much every other unpleasant emotion you can think of.
And then my birthday rolled around.
I just had a profoundly lovely, low-key day. There was skating and Beaver Tails, beautiful presents from my family, brunch with a couple ladies who I haven't seen for far too long, a leisurely wander through Chapters, good news on the job search front, good news on the PhD applications reference letter front, delightful news about a dearly missed friend coming to visit in about a month, and semi-plans for some future social outings. I've been crying a lot of happy tears today.
P.S. Remember the first time I took a picture of these bolts? I've accumulated...oh, one or two other shots of them since. I took this one when my family was down at Christmastime.
Generally speaking, I'm not one for resolutions and goals. Too often, I feel like chasing a dream is also chasing failure, and the risk is just too great.
I like Rachel of elephantine's approach though: listing things I'm looking forward to. It's kind of like a goal list, but feels a little different to me. So, in 2013 I am looking forward to:
Finishing my thesis. (I will do this, and it will feel fantastic when it is done.)
Opening an Etsy shop. (I'm finally just going to go for it.)
Starting a PhD program. (I really hope so!)
Getting serious about writing a novel. (I haven't told too many people about this one, but there it is. I'm working on a novel.)
Publishing some poetry. (Hopefully in more than just school-based publications.)
Taking up French again. (Super excited about this one.)
Learning more about photography. (My brother gave me a new camera lens for Christmas - whaaaaaaaat?!?! - and I want to take Apple & Arrow's lighting course.)
Travelling to Europe in the spring. (Dear budget, please allow this.)
2013, I have high hopes for you. Let's do this thing.
"Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."
To all of my fellow Charlie Browns, I hope that you have managed to find some magic in the air this Christmas.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Happiness is a line of gumdrops on the roof of a gingerbread house.
Happiness is an evening spent with a bowl full of candy, a piping bag full of icing, a goofy dog, and a friend you're so comfortable with that you have no need to filter out the weirder aspects of your personality.
That old restlessness is back, making my heart flutter like a caged bird.
Although perhaps that is more related to my cold than my wanderlust.
I am not the kind of girl that guys are lining up to ask out.
If you are my mother or best friend, you probably scoffed at that statement and feel the need to say something like "Any guy would be lucky to go out with you." Please don't. I'm not being self-depricating and looking for reassurance of my worth as a human being. I'm not bemoaning the fact that my dating life is basically non-existant. At least not this time. No, this time I'm just stating a fact. Guys are not lining up to ask me out, literally or figuratively.
When you have no dating life and your best friends live on the other side of the country, you have two options if you want to go out: repeatedly ask the few friends you do have living near you if they want to go out or just go out by yourself. Since I start to feel annoying and needy if I ask the same four or five people to hang out all the time, I've started to take myself out on dates. I'll go to the movies, or out for coffee, or to a show. I went to see Sarah Polley's Stories We Tell and loved it. I went to Starbucks, got a gingerbread latte (decaf soy, naturally), and wandered through Chapters looking at books. I went to Jian Ghomeshi's book tour stop in Halifax. Yeah, I would have liked someone to discuss the movie with afterward (go see it, it's so good), but it's nice to not have to debate what movie to watch or worry about whether the person you've come with will talk or text during the film. And, sure, coffee and book-browsing aren't the same without my Edmonton bestie with whom I used to do it all the time, but they still make for a pretty enjoyable way to spend a rainy evening. And, yes, I would have liked someone to grab coffee with after the book tour, but I got to laugh with abandon and shift in my seat like nobody's business without worrying about what people thought of me (because, really, I'm never going to see the people I was sitting with again). So, I am slowly starting to love these little dates with myself.
Although, you know, a real date might also be nice.
To the men and women of the armed forces and their families,
Thank you.
