Vanishing Points

Maybe we are all moving toward our own personal vanishing points.

This implies a moment of dissolution, of being lost. It implies incompletion, the impossibility of finitude. It implies forward motion. And it's the motion that I'm beginning to think is important rather than the being found or complete.

The Search for Safety

This weekend I had the great good fortune to go to my friends' wedding. It was an absolutely lovely day, ending in a very late hour and a half drive home. I've told you all before how being in a moving vehicle makes me feel rather safe. Well, this was just driven home on Saturday night. Life has been stressful lately. Apartment hunting, everything involved in preparing to move across the country, working two part-time jobs, and trying to maintain a social life has left me feeling like I'm one of those circus performers spinning plates. This isn't to say life hasn't been good. I'm lucky enough to really enjoy my jobs, I have some wonderful friends with whom I've had some grand adventures, and in general have been loving my summer. However, I've been stressed, and worried, and constantly on the verge of tears, especially lately. But for almost all of Saturday I was able to forget about all of that and just enjoy myself. And then about halfway home I realized this. I realized that sitting in the back seat, in the midst of conversations with my travelling companions, I felt totally safe. As if as long as I stayed in the vehicle with these people and we kept driving I had the chance of outrunning my worries. And in that moment I thought to myself, "Don't ever forget this feeling." Because really, that is what I am always looking for. I am constantly searching for people I feel safe with and people who I feel care for me. It was a rare moment for me to feel that way, and to be quite honest I didn't want the drive to end. I didn't want to have to climb out of the car and back into reality. But, alas, all such drives must come to an end. Since then though, whenever I start panicking too much, I try to recall that feeling. It's peaceful and calming, and is helping me cope just a little bit better. So, thank you to my Saturday travelling buddies. I don't think you know how much that trip meant to me. And congratulations to my newly married friends. I am so happy for you both.

Hit the road, Jack

Well, in just under 9 hours I will be hitting the road in the pre-dawn darkness as choir tour kicks off. I'm actually pretty excited. I'll be gone for the next 5 days and there won't be anything new on here. If you are feeling really deprived and are missing my virtual presence, why not check out wander through the archives?

Trucking Through

So we have reached the point in the semester when students begin to realize that 24 hours in a day is simply not enough time to get everything done. Particularly if you want to do small things like sleep or grocery shop (although if you take the time to grocery shop, you probably don't have time to eat...). And if you decide that you should really continue to have some semblance of a social life in order to maintain your sanity you can just forget about accomplishing anything. I've been learning recently that I have to take time for myself and need to make sure to interact with people and take the time to hang out with them. It's the only way to maintain my mental and physical health. Unfortunately I am having a rather hard time balancing full-time school, part-time work and a social life. As a result, the last few weeks of this semester are going to be absolutely crazy. I will get through though. Just have to keep trucking through. Sadly, many days I feel like my truck looks like this one: buried under stuff and in a general state of disrepair.

Speaking of trucking through...I just got back from a whirlwind roadtrip. Friday morning Gabby, Sinead and I set out for La Crete (which, for those of you who are not up and up on your Alberta small towns, is way up north) to go to Rosi and Joe's wedding. It was a whirlwind trip - we left around 10:00 a.m. on Friday and arrived back at about 6:30 a.m. on Sunday - but was totally worth it. It was such a beautiful wedding and I am so happy for them. Plus it was just nice to get out of the city for a while. Anyway, the drive back was long (somewhere around 10 hours) and since it was straight through the middle of the night there were definitely some crazy moments. We just pushed through though and made it back safe and sound. I slept from like 7:00 until 12:30 this morning though, so now my internal clock is all wonky. Fortunately this means I can get some more work done.

The picture is from a trip a couple years ago down to Sinead's family farm in Champion. I like how it is such a mess, but can make such a great picture. Beautiful mess. That's often what I look for in photos. Possibly because that is how I feel a lot of the time.

Just a housekeeping note: I'm taking the advice of one of my friends and starting to assign pseudonyms to the people in my life. That way I can tell stories without them getting really complicated. If I post photos of actual people I'll always put their real names (and make sure to ask their permission, obviously) and in cases like Rosi and Joe's wedding I will probably use real names (although, often nicknames that I use in real life). Just thought I would let you know in case you are reading this thinking "I know Bree and her friends, but I don't know a [insert name here]". That's why. You are not going crazy.