Disconnect

I've recently become addicted to Instagram. I just joined the world of Twitter. I've been on Facebook for a few years now. I run two blogs. I have a Tumblr. I enjoy Pinterest. I am well-versed in the world of social media.

I text my friends pretty consistently. I use Skype to stay in touch with loved ones who are far away. I am almost always connected to my email in some form. My computer is on for most of the day. I am not technologically illiterate by any means.

And yet.

Sometimes I have an overwhelming urge to unplug everything, just turn it all off and walk away. I call it my "hermit urge." Sometimes I just don't want to be accessible 24-7.

I've been placed in a couple of situations lately where I was reminded of how nice it is to disconnect from time to time. I recently got back from a quick trip to Toronto, and it was kind of lovely to turn my phone and computer off for a couple of hours, to have no obligation to speak to anyone at all (aside from the precocious six-year-old who proposed to me on my flight home).

The flight from Toronto to Halifax is about 2 hours, and as soon as I landed I had 5 text messages. One was from the person picking me up at the airport. One was from a friend in Edmonton who I had been texting while I was waiting in the airport. Three were from someone trying to schedule a meeting this week. These were the ones that really got me. They were sent in quick succession. The first was a question about what times worked well for me. The second was a variation on "I need to know now." And the third was simply three question marks: ???. As soon as I read these messages I could feel stress settling itself back on my shoulders. I wanted to turn my phone back off and pretend I hadn't read them. In fact, I ignored them for a while. Eventually though, I had to respond. I sent an apologetic text explaining that I hadn't responded because I had been on a plane, all the while thinking that it was ridiculous that I had to excuse myself for taking a couple of hours to get back to someone about something.

I love that I can stay connected with people so easily and in so many ways. But sometimes it's nice to walk away from the constant stream of information, and to remove myself from the frantic race to respond to everyone whenever they decide they need me.

Of course, this works the other way around as well. I killed my phone a couple of days ago, and not having it was fun at first, but has rapidly just become frustrating.

Flying for the First Time

Flying for the First Time
Elenowen

Can't put out the fire with my bare hands,
not even I need to understand how
I'm getting there.

Said a prayer with broken wings,
hoping to move toward greater things now
and face the fear.

I'm drifting
closer toward the skyline,
looking down on my life,
trying to get just one thing right.
The second I stop second-guessing,
let go like a confession,
seeing what I was born to find.
Flying for the first time.

I was the kind who played it safe,
wouldn't take a risk or leap of faith,
not before the leap.

Fear has a way of playing games,
go a little, go your separate ways,
but as for me:

I'm drifting
closer toward the skyline,
looking down on my life,
trying to get just one thing right.
The second I stop second-guessing,
let go like a confession,
seeing what I was born to find.
Flying for the first time

Ran through the open flame,
barely escaped,
now I'll never be the same.

I'm drifting
closer toward the skyline,
looking down on my life,
trying to get just one thing right.
The second I stop second-guessing,
let go like a confession,
seeing what I was born
I'm drifting
closer toward the skyline,
looking down on my life,
trying to get just one thing right.
The second I stop second-guessing,
let go like a confession,
seeing what I was born to find.
Flying for the first time
Flying for the first time.

I put out the fire with my bare hands.


I mentioned yesterday that I spent my whole day listening to the new Elenowen EP on repeat. I am seriously obsessed. I knew I needed to post a song on here, but couldn't decide which one to pick. Seriously. The album is that good. But since I'm rather obsessed with these airplane window pictures (watch for another one tomorrow) lately, I felt like the first track, Flying for the First Time, was a good choice. Plus starting at the beginning seems like a logical choice. I mean, if I am probably going to end up posting all of them, I might as well work my way through in order so I can keep track, no?

Heat, Illness, and Art Galleries

I am in the midst of a quick jaunt to Mississauga and Toronto. The temperature has been ungodly (really, it has been hotter than Hades) and I have managed to come down with a dreadful cold which is sapping my energy, but it has been a good trip nonetheless. And tomorrow I get to go to the AGO, which can only mean good things.


P.S. I've been Instagramming bits of my trip. You can follow me @breanna_girl, or, if you don't have Instagram, check out my photos here.

Vanishing Points

Maybe we are all moving toward our own personal vanishing points.

This implies a moment of dissolution, of being lost. It implies incompletion, the impossibility of finitude. It implies forward motion. And it's the motion that I'm beginning to think is important rather than the being found or complete.

Nights of Rain and Stars

I am naturally a night owl. I enjoy the middle of the night immensely. This is a good thing since I've become well acquainted with it in the recent past (not that we ever really lost touch, just that we were seeing less of each other than usual). So despite the fact that I've been swamped with and sleep deprivation is much harder to deal with when you can't have caffeine, sugar, or apples to help you stay awake, here are a few things I've been loving about these late nights.

1. Stars. You can actually see stars here, people. It's a crazy concept, I know, but so delightful.

2. Walking. I am really enjoying living somewhere that I can walk at midnight without fear of being stabbed or raped.

3. Rain. It's been rainy lately, and while this has its downsides, it means that the air is crisp and fresh when I'm wandering around at night.

4. An office. Or, rather, an office I can be in past 11. The building at King's closes at 11 and so you had to be out of the publications office by then. This was annoying. I now have a key card for the arts building and therefore have 24 hour access to my office. This rocks.

5. A library. Or, rather, a library open past 9. The King's library is great, but there is no way around the fact that it is a library at a small institution. It closes at 9. Not convenient for serious late-night work. The library here closes at 1 in the morning. This means that if I suddenly need a source from them, I can just pop on over at midnight. This also rocks.

6. Timezones. Most of my friends are still back in Alberta, which is three hours behind Nova Scotia. This means that even if I am awake at 3 in the morning, it is highly likely that someone back home will still be up and willing to chat. I always feel less desperate if I'm talking to someone while burning the midnight oil.

Doesn't mean anything, really

"Just because somebody likes something doesn't mean...anything, really." 

-- Zooey Deschanel in New York Magazine

I have a major girl crush on Zooey Deschanel, so I was eagerly anticipating the premiere of New Girl. I don't have a tv so I downloaded it on itunes (free, baby!). And I loved it. It was sweet and quirky and funny and touching. Quality television right there. In the lead up to the show I read this article in New York Magazine and this quote stuck with me. It comes in the context of talking about the age of social networking and how we think if we know everything that someone likes - their taste in books and movies and music -- that we know them. I thought this was really insightful. It really doesn't mean anything. Just because you share musical tastes with someone doesn't mean you are going to be best friends. It really does mean nothing. Yeah, it means you know a little bit about them, but it doesn't mean you know who they are. You're kind of missing out on some of the most important things. I liked this quote for another reason too. We put so much stock in what we like. I know I do. I mean, this whole blog is basically a tribute to things that I like. Sometimes it's good to remember that it doesn't actually matter all that much.

So, here's a picture I took on the way to Edmonton last weekend. I like it. Maybe that doesn't mean anything, really.

When you are a little bit unsteady

Sometimes the best things happen when you are a little bit unsteady.

I am someone who naturally seeks stability. I think of instability and think of earthquakes and collapsing bridges. I often forget that sometimes it's okay to be uncertain, unstable, and just generally off-kilter. It's good that life reminds me of this every so often.