Simple Pleasures

I had a really good conversation with Bean tonight. I always love spending time with her. It's kind of cool actually because it is like we are leading parallel lives in a lot of ways so I feel like she understands everything that comes out of my mouth even if it doesn't make sense to other people. One of the things we talked about was the ability to find joy and inspiration in small things. I can honestly say that even though school is crazy busy right now and I should be freaking out with stress, things are actually good. It is largely because I've been finding lately that the smallest things can leave me feeling happy or inspired. Something someone says in a conversation, a sentence overheard in the hallway, a comment made in a class, a beautiful sky, Christmas lights...anything is fair game for leaving me with a smile and a sense of satisfaction and contentment that runs far deeper than I have experienced in a long time. One example of this is the fact that yesterday I bought myself holiday rice krispies. I have a lot of dietary restrictions so the cereal I tend to eat isn't all that exciting. But holiday rice krispies have coloured pieces in them! I am super excited about this. In fact, I was so excited when we were in the grocery store that I was explaining to my roomie who was with me why I was so pumped that I could by them and some random guy in the aisle started laughing at my enthusiasm. And I didn't eve care. Now every time I see the box sitting on top of the fridge or a pour a bowl of them they make me smile. I think the ability to find joy and wonder in the smallest things is something that people lose as they grow up. Kids find everything super amazing. Seriously, when you are 6 smelly markers are just about the greatest things on the planet. They are amazing. How do they make them smell like that? Plus they are just great markers. For some reason as we grow up this sense of wonder tends to dim a little bit. It's something that I don't want to lose though. Having gone through periods in my life where it took a lot to make me smile, let alone experience deep joy in just being alive, and now returning to this place I feel like the ability to let small things affect you in this way is a sign of good mental health. At least I know it is for me. So I am going to continue to smile every time I eat my coloured rice krispies.

Icy

I was sitting at my desk on Monday when I looked up and realized there was ice on the inside of my window. That my friends is how cold it is. This was a very depressing realization. Fortunately I have a space heater. Unfortunately, as soon as I step outside of the lovely little bubble of heat produced by said space heater I turn into a popsicle. Oh Winter. What a joyous season.

I stop and smell the roses, but they're all frozen

I was listening to the radio the other day and the DJ was talking about how the roads are getting a bit nasty since winter is upon us and people should just take their time driving; they should "stop and smell the roses...although they are all frozen now". That made me laugh, but it also gave me pause to think. All too often when life gets crazy I fail to implement the simple practice of appreciating the good moments. It becomes far too easy for me to simply remain numb to anything good that happens. It is like smelling a frozen flower; there just isn't any point to the exercise. In November as the onslaught of papers and assignments gets more and more intense and the temperature continues to plummet and ice forms on the inside of my bedroom window it is easy to lose sight of the fact that my life is not actually an unmitigated disaster. In fact, if you dig beneath the stress and feeling of being completely out of control, my life is actually pretty great right now. Tonight was one of those nights that confirms that for me. I stopped to smell some frozen roses and found that they not only still hold a scent, they are downright gorgeous.

This picture is actually from Thanksgiving weekend back in October, but the frost had already hit the garden at my parents' house and one of my mom's rose bushes had been caught off guard by the cold snap. It was covered in buds and partial blooms that had simply been frozen in time. I think they are incredibly beautiful though. I guess it's like I said in yesterday's post: I love finding beauty in strange places, in the things that others call ugly.

Trucking Through

So we have reached the point in the semester when students begin to realize that 24 hours in a day is simply not enough time to get everything done. Particularly if you want to do small things like sleep or grocery shop (although if you take the time to grocery shop, you probably don't have time to eat...). And if you decide that you should really continue to have some semblance of a social life in order to maintain your sanity you can just forget about accomplishing anything. I've been learning recently that I have to take time for myself and need to make sure to interact with people and take the time to hang out with them. It's the only way to maintain my mental and physical health. Unfortunately I am having a rather hard time balancing full-time school, part-time work and a social life. As a result, the last few weeks of this semester are going to be absolutely crazy. I will get through though. Just have to keep trucking through. Sadly, many days I feel like my truck looks like this one: buried under stuff and in a general state of disrepair.

Speaking of trucking through...I just got back from a whirlwind roadtrip. Friday morning Gabby, Sinead and I set out for La Crete (which, for those of you who are not up and up on your Alberta small towns, is way up north) to go to Rosi and Joe's wedding. It was a whirlwind trip - we left around 10:00 a.m. on Friday and arrived back at about 6:30 a.m. on Sunday - but was totally worth it. It was such a beautiful wedding and I am so happy for them. Plus it was just nice to get out of the city for a while. Anyway, the drive back was long (somewhere around 10 hours) and since it was straight through the middle of the night there were definitely some crazy moments. We just pushed through though and made it back safe and sound. I slept from like 7:00 until 12:30 this morning though, so now my internal clock is all wonky. Fortunately this means I can get some more work done.

The picture is from a trip a couple years ago down to Sinead's family farm in Champion. I like how it is such a mess, but can make such a great picture. Beautiful mess. That's often what I look for in photos. Possibly because that is how I feel a lot of the time.

Just a housekeeping note: I'm taking the advice of one of my friends and starting to assign pseudonyms to the people in my life. That way I can tell stories without them getting really complicated. If I post photos of actual people I'll always put their real names (and make sure to ask their permission, obviously) and in cases like Rosi and Joe's wedding I will probably use real names (although, often nicknames that I use in real life). Just thought I would let you know in case you are reading this thinking "I know Bree and her friends, but I don't know a [insert name here]". That's why. You are not going crazy.

Illuminate

Josh Groban's new CD, Illuminate, came out on Monday. I don't even have words to express how excited I was about this release. I've been a serious Groban fan for years now and in my opinion his CDs just keep getting better. This one is no exception. I bought it the day it was released and have been listening to it as much as possible since then. It is truly beautiful. And moving. I mean beautiful and moving in the way that I find Anne Michaels' writing beautiful and moving. It connects on some deep level to the soul and somehow expresses things that I barely even knew I felt. There is a sense that somehow these songs can express things about yourself that you could never articulate and in doing so can heal you or comfort you. It is one of those surreal experiences where art can capture and understand you better than you understand yourself. And that is something I search for in literature and art and music. To be quite honest, I feel like words are inadequate to express how much a adore this album.

Inspired by both the title of the CD and the fact that the accumulation of snow has steadily been increasing all day, today's picture is a bit Christmasy. I adore light. I've probably talked about this before, but it is something that I could talk about for a very long time. One of my favourite parts of Christmas is the lights. I'm partial to the plain white lights over the coloured lights, but any lights will do really. When the snow starts to fly I immediately get excited for Christmas lights. The campus coffee shop has Christmas decorations (including lights) up now, and it makes me so happy every time I walk into the SAC. These are a couple of bulbs on my parents' tree about two years ago.

Winter has Arrived

From Winter
Patrick Lane

Winter 1
The generosity of snow, the way it forgives
transgression, filling in the many betrayals
and leaving the world
exactly as it was. Imagine a man
walking endlessly and finding his tracks,
knowing he has gone in a circle. Imagine
his diappointment. See how he strikes out again
in a new direction, hoping this way
will lead him out. Imagine how much
happier he will be this time with the wind
all around him, the wind filling in his tracks.

He is thinking of that man,
of what keeps him going.
The thought of snow,
small white grains sifting
into the holes where his feet went,
filling things in,
leaving no room for despair.

Winter 16
Everything moves without change. The trees
without leaves dance sadly, allowing
nothing to get in their way. Not sorrow,
not snow under snow, but a slow forgetting.
The old moon sleeps with the young moon in her arms.
Words like that are like reaching out
in the darkness, wanting
to sleep and not being able to. Reaching out
to find nothing at the end of the hand but cold.
Wondering at flesh, its need, as the trees
who do not remember leaves, dance sadly
with a steady dumb grief, their dark moving
a monotonous music in the snowy night.

Well, it seems that winter has officially arrived. Snow and cold have arrived for another year. Winter is definitely not my favourite season. Although it ushers in with it the promise of the Christmas season. And that my friends makes me very happy.

This picture is actually from last spring. There definitely isn't that much snow hanging around outside right now.

Ten Things...Let's get out of this town

In general, my flight instinct is a lot stronger than my fight instinct. As soon as things get hard, I want out. Life gets stressful and I start dreaming about being anywhere else. This is only compounded by the fact that I really do love to travel. Consequently, I spend a good amount of time thinking about being other places. I daydream about what my life would be like if I lived somewhere else. This longing for other places often finds its way onto the blog. Here's ten posts that reflect a yearning to just get out of this town (and, yes, that is a reference to the Carrie Underwood song):

1. Wanderlust
2. I love the places I ain't ever been to
3. Sometimes I feel I've got to run away
4. Daydreams of Paris
5. The Siren Song of the City
6. The Power of Suggestion
7. Sunset on the Harbour
8. Getaway Car
9. When words fail
10. Fields