Give Me Fog

If I had to pick a favourite weather-related phenomenon, it would probably be fog. I think it is simply gorgeous. Every time I come across it I feel as if my heart and soul are deeply satisfied. There are very few weather patterns that do this for me. I am not one of those people who always wants sunshine and heat, I only enjoy snow for brief periods of time, biting cold is only okay when I can curl up inside with friends or a book, rain is wonderful until I have to walk a long way...but fog, fog and I are always friends. Sure, it wreaks havoc with my hair, but I love it anyway. I love the mystery of it. I love the comfort of it. I love the staggering beauty of it.

When I left the pub last night the entire town was blanketed in fog. It was beautiful, and I wished with everything in me that I had my camera with me. Since I didn't, I just walked home as slowly as possible, enjoying every second of it.

Oblivion

If ever there was a time when classical music expressed my soul, that time is now. I have a lot going on in my head right now. I've been talking out loud to myself all day just trying to work things through and figure things out. Alas, this endeavour has been less than successful and I have instead ended up running in mental circles. I feel like I am just repeating the same steps over and over again, but not making any progress. I went for a walk this evening to try to clear my head and took my ipod with me. "Oblivion" by Lucia Micarelli came on and it captures the exact sensation that I have in my soul right now. Actually her entire album, "Music from a Farther Room", is just exquisite and has become my soundtrack for the evening. While it isn't strictly classical pieces it definitely falls in the classical genre. If you have never heard Lucia Micarelli and have any fondness for classical music you should really have a listen. Anyway, I was walking along in the the darkening twilight after a thunderstorm with this song playing and it felt like a scene from a movie or something. It smelled fantastic because it had just rained and the air was that perfect post-summer-storm temperature. Unfortunately, for all the loveliness of this setting and this song, neither really helped me make any steps to calming my brain down. I have a feeling that sleep will not come easily tonight. Ah well, I will just listen to "Oblivion" on repeat and hope that it helps me drift off into the oblivion of sleep.

Something about the particular way I am feeling right now and the word oblivion makes me think of fog. Of simply fading away. Of trying to grasp something and having it just not quite come into focus. This picture is from Halifax several years ago. It was really foggy the day that we toured the Citadel, which actually made it that much more amazing. I love the effect that the fog has on the simple scene in this picture. Suddenly a parking lot attendant booth beside a road becomes magical and mysterious and beautiful.

On the Inside Looking Out

I'm sure that everyone has heard the phrase "on the outside looking in". It conjours images of the Little Match Girl, or Sara from A Little Princess standing on the street watching the warm and happy lives of the Large family. Sometimes though, I think that the inverse of that phrase is just as true. Sometimes you can be on the inside looking out and wanting to be out just as much as the ones outside want to be in. The circumstances of life can become so controlling sometimes and one can end up feeling trapped. Windows can be awful because they allow one to see out of the cage they are in, but very rarely provide any real connection or possibility of escape. Sorry that this is coming across as emo, it's just something I've been thinking about lately, this feeling of being trapped. I'm not trying to be depressing and I'm actually in a pretty good place mentally right now. This is more of a philosophical pondering, the kind that I am prone to late at night when I've been in hermit mode for a while. I've definitely spent this summer so far feeling rather trapped by some circumstances in my life. I've been spending a good amount of time daydreaming about what I would be doing/what I will do once I'm not in this particular position any more. It's one of the reasons art has become so big a part of my life. For some reason if I am creating things then I feel less trapped, less stuck in the mire of circumstances, and more in control of what is happening. There is always a note of melancholy to daydreams when in this kind of position though. Somewhere in the back of my mind is the knowledge that I am not in a position to do the things I'm dreaming about right now and that always leaves the slightest hint of sadness and desperation on my dreams.

On to the photo. I took this one when my family visited Fortress Louisbourg in Nova Scotia a couple of years ago. It was grey and rainy and cold (as is fitting for Nova Scotia) and something about the way the misty light was coming in this window struck me. It's a photo that I come back to frequently. I feel like there are so many potential emotions locked up in this image and depending on what I'm dealing with I find it can either be hopeful and cheery or rather melancholy. Today it's feeling melancholy. I love it though.

Lost in the Fog

I woke up this morning fully expecting another lovely, sunny, spring-like day. Instead it was foggy and cold-looking. Even though it warmed up this afternoon and the fog dissipated it stayed grey and dreary all day long. At least it is still spring temperatures, and I really don't mind the occasional grey day, so I'm not complaining too much. It was just a shock to the system so early in the morning. In fact, the grey fogginess of the day actually matches my mood quite exquisitely today (there is totally a word to describe the phenomenon when nature reflects the mental state of a person, I just can not remember it for the life of me). I'm studying for my Art History midterm which is tomorrow night right now so my brian actually feels quite foggy and confusing. I'm also listening to Rajaton, this fantastic acapella group from Finland who have a very etheral sound to them and seem to suit grey days excellently. Perhaps it is becaue they are Finnish. I'm guessing that Finland doesn't tend to be the sunniest of places. Anyway, this picture, which I took in Halifax in July, 2006, suits both the weather and my mental state perfectly.