On the Inside Looking Out

I'm sure that everyone has heard the phrase "on the outside looking in". It conjours images of the Little Match Girl, or Sara from A Little Princess standing on the street watching the warm and happy lives of the Large family. Sometimes though, I think that the inverse of that phrase is just as true. Sometimes you can be on the inside looking out and wanting to be out just as much as the ones outside want to be in. The circumstances of life can become so controlling sometimes and one can end up feeling trapped. Windows can be awful because they allow one to see out of the cage they are in, but very rarely provide any real connection or possibility of escape. Sorry that this is coming across as emo, it's just something I've been thinking about lately, this feeling of being trapped. I'm not trying to be depressing and I'm actually in a pretty good place mentally right now. This is more of a philosophical pondering, the kind that I am prone to late at night when I've been in hermit mode for a while. I've definitely spent this summer so far feeling rather trapped by some circumstances in my life. I've been spending a good amount of time daydreaming about what I would be doing/what I will do once I'm not in this particular position any more. It's one of the reasons art has become so big a part of my life. For some reason if I am creating things then I feel less trapped, less stuck in the mire of circumstances, and more in control of what is happening. There is always a note of melancholy to daydreams when in this kind of position though. Somewhere in the back of my mind is the knowledge that I am not in a position to do the things I'm dreaming about right now and that always leaves the slightest hint of sadness and desperation on my dreams.

On to the photo. I took this one when my family visited Fortress Louisbourg in Nova Scotia a couple of years ago. It was grey and rainy and cold (as is fitting for Nova Scotia) and something about the way the misty light was coming in this window struck me. It's a photo that I come back to frequently. I feel like there are so many potential emotions locked up in this image and depending on what I'm dealing with I find it can either be hopeful and cheery or rather melancholy. Today it's feeling melancholy. I love it though.