Parallel Universe

I'd been rehearsing this moment for hours, and I had outlined a hundred different scenarios. Mr. Jensen once tried to tell us that there existed somewhere a set of parallel universes, unreachable but real, where every possibility came true; whatever didn't happen here happened somewhere else, each option unfolding in a separate universe. But in this one world, at least, the outcome that morning was reduced finally to just this one version. 

-- Karen Thompson Walker, The Age of Miracles

Maybe in some parallel universe there is a Breanna who lives in an apartment that doesn't make her cry on a daily basis. Sadly, it isn't this one.

Less-than-eloquent Thoughts

I am not feeling very eloquent lately. Perhaps I only get a certain allotted amount of eloquence per month, and I used it all up on that maid of honour speech.


It's been a couple of days since I got home from a jaunt to Edmonton, and I am still struggling to get going. It has left me feeling profoundly unlike myself.


As much stress and constant running around was involved with the wedding last weekend, I kind of miss having one single thing to worry about. It was a nice change of pace.


Taking photos out of plane windows has possibly become one of my new favourite things.

Happy Canada Day!

Or, Happy Dominion Day!

Yes, I am aware that this is not the Canadian flag. See, for the past few years I've spent Canada Day at places like Fort Edmonton and the Ukrainian Heritage Village, where they put on Dominion Day events. I therefore don't really have a time-period appropriate picture to post today. Oh well. I have history-buff friends who will appreciate this.

I'm off to spend the day in Halifax with some friends. I hope you are having a lovely long weekend.

Disconnect

I've recently become addicted to Instagram. I just joined the world of Twitter. I've been on Facebook for a few years now. I run two blogs. I have a Tumblr. I enjoy Pinterest. I am well-versed in the world of social media.

I text my friends pretty consistently. I use Skype to stay in touch with loved ones who are far away. I am almost always connected to my email in some form. My computer is on for most of the day. I am not technologically illiterate by any means.

And yet.

Sometimes I have an overwhelming urge to unplug everything, just turn it all off and walk away. I call it my "hermit urge." Sometimes I just don't want to be accessible 24-7.

I've been placed in a couple of situations lately where I was reminded of how nice it is to disconnect from time to time. I recently got back from a quick trip to Toronto, and it was kind of lovely to turn my phone and computer off for a couple of hours, to have no obligation to speak to anyone at all (aside from the precocious six-year-old who proposed to me on my flight home).

The flight from Toronto to Halifax is about 2 hours, and as soon as I landed I had 5 text messages. One was from the person picking me up at the airport. One was from a friend in Edmonton who I had been texting while I was waiting in the airport. Three were from someone trying to schedule a meeting this week. These were the ones that really got me. They were sent in quick succession. The first was a question about what times worked well for me. The second was a variation on "I need to know now." And the third was simply three question marks: ???. As soon as I read these messages I could feel stress settling itself back on my shoulders. I wanted to turn my phone back off and pretend I hadn't read them. In fact, I ignored them for a while. Eventually though, I had to respond. I sent an apologetic text explaining that I hadn't responded because I had been on a plane, all the while thinking that it was ridiculous that I had to excuse myself for taking a couple of hours to get back to someone about something.

I love that I can stay connected with people so easily and in so many ways. But sometimes it's nice to walk away from the constant stream of information, and to remove myself from the frantic race to respond to everyone whenever they decide they need me.

Of course, this works the other way around as well. I killed my phone a couple of days ago, and not having it was fun at first, but has rapidly just become frustrating.

Flying for the First Time

Flying for the First Time
Elenowen

Can't put out the fire with my bare hands,
not even I need to understand how
I'm getting there.

Said a prayer with broken wings,
hoping to move toward greater things now
and face the fear.

I'm drifting
closer toward the skyline,
looking down on my life,
trying to get just one thing right.
The second I stop second-guessing,
let go like a confession,
seeing what I was born to find.
Flying for the first time.

I was the kind who played it safe,
wouldn't take a risk or leap of faith,
not before the leap.

Fear has a way of playing games,
go a little, go your separate ways,
but as for me:

I'm drifting
closer toward the skyline,
looking down on my life,
trying to get just one thing right.
The second I stop second-guessing,
let go like a confession,
seeing what I was born to find.
Flying for the first time

Ran through the open flame,
barely escaped,
now I'll never be the same.

I'm drifting
closer toward the skyline,
looking down on my life,
trying to get just one thing right.
The second I stop second-guessing,
let go like a confession,
seeing what I was born
I'm drifting
closer toward the skyline,
looking down on my life,
trying to get just one thing right.
The second I stop second-guessing,
let go like a confession,
seeing what I was born to find.
Flying for the first time
Flying for the first time.

I put out the fire with my bare hands.


I mentioned yesterday that I spent my whole day listening to the new Elenowen EP on repeat. I am seriously obsessed. I knew I needed to post a song on here, but couldn't decide which one to pick. Seriously. The album is that good. But since I'm rather obsessed with these airplane window pictures (watch for another one tomorrow) lately, I felt like the first track, Flying for the First Time, was a good choice. Plus starting at the beginning seems like a logical choice. I mean, if I am probably going to end up posting all of them, I might as well work my way through in order so I can keep track, no?

Off to Montreal

My friend and I are headed to Monteral for Reading Week. I am terribly excited. So, it will be pretty quiet here on the blog for the next little bit. But fear not, I will come back armed with an incredible number of photos to share with all of you. Have a great week!

Late Nights and Early Mornings

With the end of the term upon us, I've been seeing a lot of this intermediary time. Those wee little hours that are ostensibly morning but feel more like night. Those hours where everything seems a little surreal. Where everything is both less important and more intense. This feels a little bit like a homecoming for me. These hours are my most natural habitat. They are when I am the most creative, the most verbose, the most gregarious, the most connected with myself and my world. They are also when I am at my most vulnerable, my most melancholy, my most contemplative. It's a strange existence for a strange time.

Here

I kind of love living here.


This past week was long and difficult, but somehow confirmed for me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Songs for Late Nights

I've been pulling a lot of late nights recently. And I'll be pulling a lot of late nights this week. Such is the joy of this time of the academic year. Since you probably aren't all that interested in hearing yet another rant about a paper, I thought instead I would share some of the songs that I tend to have on repeat as the hours creep past midnight and there is no end in sight.

I Don't Feel It Anymore (Song of the Sparrow) -- William Fitzsimmons & Priscilla Ahn

Bloodbuzz Ohio -- The National

Re: Stacks -- Bon Iver

White Blank Page -- Mumford and Sons

How it Comes is How it Goes -- Jay Malinowski

Set the Fire to the Third Bar -- Snowpatrol & Martha Wainwright

Wake the Earth -- The Honey Trees

The Darkest Side -- The Middle East

I Won't Be Found -- The Tallest Man on Earth

Cicadas and Gulls -- Feist

Don't Let Your Feet Touch Ground

Don't Let Your Feet Touch Ground
Ash Koley

Standing up straight I'm ten feet tall
I like this look, I love you all
A hundred feet off the ground it seems
That a beautiful day is gracing me

Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down
Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down

I pull my boots up to my knees
No coats or hats, thank you please
I dig up dirt and I find no wrong
All while singing a silly song

Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down
Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down

There are no mistakes
Up in our secret place
We're not just getting by
Everything is fine

Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down
Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down
Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down


I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Edmonton for a wedding of two friends. It was absolutely crazy, but absolutely worth it. As we were taking off from Halifax on Friday night, this song came on my iPod. So fitting right? And isn't this a pretty rocking view from the plane window? I sure thought so.

Eastern Bound

Turn Back Around
Lucy Schwartz

Show me the world in the shape of your looking glass
Beautifully bold when the colours unfold
Yes it's easy to see but it's harder to find
That I'm thinking of you and it's clear in my mind

So I turn turn turn
I turn back around
Turn turn turn
I turn back around
And I'm eastern bound

Almost let slip all these words at my fingertips
Still unaware of pen in my hand
But I'm making my way day by day coming back to you
Here unafraid of the path that I choose

So I turn turn turn
I turn back around
Turn turn turn
I turn back around
And I'm eastern bound

Turn turn turn
I turn back around
Turn turn turn
I turn back around
Yes I turn turn turn
I turn back around
(Eastern bound)
Turn turn turn
Turn back around
(Back to you)


So, this song is kind of my theme right now. See, in about 9 hours my plane leaves for Nova Scotia. So I am, in a very real sense, eastern bound. I don't know what my internet situation is going to be like for the next few days, but I will be back on here as soon as possible.

Ps. This is also the song that my blog title comes from, in case you didn't guess.

Contradictory Phenomena

If you've been following me for a while you might remember that back in September I shared a sepia version of this photo. It's from an afternoon I spent on my roommate's family farm in Lacombe. And I couldn't resist sharing the colour version with you as part of this Iconic Alberta series I've been doing for the last couple of days. Here's why: the sky. I know I've been talking about blue skies and white clouds, but there is this thing that the sky does here that I haven't experienced anywhere else I've travelled and this picture captures it perfectly. It can be completely cloudy out and yet it is so bright out that you feel the need to wear sunglasses. Perhaps this happens elsewhere and I just haven't been around at the right times, I don't know. But I always think of this as a curiously Albertan phenomenon. It's right up there with sun showers. The joke here often goes, if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes. Because it will change. And with no warning. And as a result we get these strange contradictory phenomena existing at the same time. Rain and sun, or, in this case, sunlight and clouds. It's kind of cool.

For miles and miles

One of the really awesome things about Alberta is the space. Once you get out of the city there is just an abundance of room and air. I suppose this is true of almost anywhere, as I'm sure my friends from places like Ontario and Saskatchewan will attest, but having grown up in Alberta, I feel like we just have an abundance of this space. You won't run into trees for miles. Or buildings. It's just land and sky. And sometimes I appreciate this. I'm a bit claustrophobic at the best of times, but when I get stressed out I always want nothing more than to stand in the middle of one of these giant fields and scream at the top of my lungs. (And if you just read that and wondered how on earth a slightly claustrophobic girl came to love big cities...don't worry, it is profoundly confusing. I'm often a walking paradox. You get used to it eventually.) Space, room to breathe, is definitely part of iconic Alberta imagery. The fields that stretch for miles and miles are one of the first things I think of when I think about this province.

Iconic Alberta

As we were driving from the ceremony to the reception on Saturday, we rounded a curve and I said "Now that right there is an iconic Alberta scene." And it really was. This got me thinking about the things I'll miss about how Alberta looks. As someone who love photography, I'm always aware of colour and light and how it changes over the seasons here. Nova Scotia will be profoundly different. It is an absolutely gorgeous place and I am so excited to live there, but there are those moments driving down an Alberta highway that I am struck with how much I love this province. So, since I'm moving on Sunday, I figured over the next few days I would share some of these iconic Alberta scenes with you. I hope you enjoy them.


I love photographing rural scenes. I am a city girl at heart, but I love how the country looks so so much. Especially on a sunny day, with the blue sky, white fluffy clouds and green grass.

Stormy Weather

One of my all-time favourite jazz songs is Stormy Weather, a song written in 1933 and originally performed by Ethel Waters and since re-recorded by countless artists because it is just that good a song. While I love Billie Holiday's version, I have to say that my absolute favourite version of this song is by Martha Wainwright. So so so good. It's humid here. The clouds have rolled in and the wind has picked up. The weather forecast is calling for thunderstorms tonight and it certainly feels like one should start any moment now. That's the crazy thing about prairie thunderstorms though: sometimes it can seem like a storm is brewing and then...nothing, it just stays humid and tense. The air becomes stagnant and it feels like you are disturbing something by just moving or breathing. It's the craziest sensation. And it is different than other places that get a lot of thunderstorms. They get humid. Legitimately humid. The air feels so dense you could cut it with a knife. You practically have to know how to swim to get anywhere. We don't get that here. Paradoxically it is both humid and dry at the same time. It is so bizarre. I adore this weather though. I've loved thunderstorms as long as I can remember. Maybe I was scared of them as a kid, but I don't remember it. (I should ask my parents about that...) There is something about their wildness, craziness and destructiveness that appeals to me.

The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters

I haven't been sleeping well this week. It's not my normal not sleeping well either. Typically I don't sleep because my brain won't turn off. Not this week though. Once I fall into bed and read for a bit I am out. That's when the problem starts. See, this week I've been having nightmares. Wake-up-drenched-in-sweat, scream-yourself-awake kind of nightmares. This isn't something I normally struggle with. I get anxiety dreams around exam time, but nightmares are something I only usually encounter a couple of times a year if that. I haven't had this many nightmares since I was a kid. It's really beginning to take a toll on me. I'm hoping it stops soon. Although I am not sure that spending my weekend reading about the Kirov murder and The Great Terror is going to help the situation.

All I did to this picture was up the shadows a bit. The greenish tint to the sky? The whole reason I took the picture. Weird, right?

As a side note, whenever I think of nightmares I always think of Francisco Goya's "The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters."

Sight of Rain

It rained this morning. In January. In Edmonton. This is not normal. But it was somehow exactly what I needed. I woke up to the sound of rain on my window and thought "This is weird. It sounds like spring." In a weird way though it gave me exactly what I needed: a shock. I have reached that point in the year where I am just done with the whole idea of winter and yet, being a hardened Edmontonian, I am well aware that I have at least another 2 or 3 months of this to look forward to. So the rain was refreshing. Even if it did turn the city into a giant skating rink this morning. It forced me to stop and take a step back, to look at the world in a new way, even if it was just for a second. And I needed that.

The Gathering Storm

I don't live in southern Alberta, so I am not currently experiencing endless rain and intense flooding. I hope that those of you who do live in southern Alberta are managing to stay dry. However, it has been hot and humid (for Alberta anyway) and so the occasional thunderstorm has been rolling in. I love thunderstorms. There is just something truly wonderful about them. Maybe it's because they could be a metaphor for me as a person. Things just build and build and eventually explode in this spectacular fashion. Sometimes the outcome is good and sometimes it is disasterous. I feel like that is the point I'm at right now, the gathering of the storm. For the most part things are okay, and yet there is just something about certain moments that has been putting me on edge. It's weird and I'm not entirely sure how to explain it. So I am going to stop trying and move on to discussing the photo. I took this a couple summers ago when an actual storm was starting to brew on the horizon. Clouds fascinate me. I think it is because of how they affect light in such amazing ways. The build up of clouds, the promise of a storm...something is about to happen, I just wish I knew what it was.

So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight but I'm just surviving

Today was rough. That is all. Fortunately, one of the things I love about music is that it can often capture exactly what it is that I want to say. This song does just that today.

Sweet Silver Lining

Kate Voegele

Well I’m going
Home
Downhearted and hoping
I’m close
To some new beginning
I know
There’s a reason for everything
That comes and goes

But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But I’m just surviving
And I may be weak but I’m never defeated
And I’ll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining

Most days
I try
My best to put on a brave face
But inside
My bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while
Something’s keeping me safe
And alive

But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But I’m just surviving
And I may be weak but I’m never defeated
And I’ll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining

And I won’t give up like this
I will be given strength
Now that I’ve found it
Nothing can take that away

But so many people are looking to me

To be strong and to fight

But I'm just surviving

And I may be weak but I'm never defeated

And I'll keep believing

In clouds with that sweet silver lining

But so many people are looking to me

To be strong and to fight

But I'm just surviving

And I may be weak but I'm never defeated

And I'll keep believing

In clouds with that sweet silver lining

Sunsets

the piles of red or gold clouds in the west; or the purple ones edged with dazzling brightness; or the little fleecy, floating ones, tinged with rose-color and looking like flights of pink doves scurrying across the blue in a great hurry if there was a wind -- A Little Princess Frances Hodgson Burnett

I have reached the point in my illness where I feel well enough to be tired of just sitting on the couch watching tv all day but not well enough to actually contemplate doing anything (I still have yet to put on makeup and I've been walking around in the same hoodie for the past few days, which, if you know me, you know is a sure fire sign that I am not feeling well). Anyway, after an hour or so of watching Say Yes to the Dress and then a bit of Food Network (although substantially less than the past few days) I was going a bit stir crazy. I decided that rather than sitting on the couch watching tv, I would sit on the couch reading a book. I read all of A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett today. I know it's a children's book, but I loved it. I mean seriously loved it. It has been quite a while since I got that much pure joy out of reading a book. Rapturous delight in fact. Don't get me wrong, I've read some good books lately, but there is a difference between a book I love and a book I LOVE. I am quite positive that that probably didn't clear things up. Anybody know what I'm talking about? Maybe it's just a book-freak thing. Anyway, I was reading and this description of what Sara (the main character) calls "Splendid" sunsets reminded me of a picture I had come across the other day. I thought I would share it and another picture of sunset clouds with you all. The first picture is from Victoria last summer and the second one is from Halifax several years ago. I love sunsets. I'm a sucker for light and color so they are pretty much my ideal moments in time. I hope you enjoy these two as much as I do.