Have you ever opened your mouth and had a dream you didn't even know existed escape before you recognized it? I have. Just over a week ago I was having a conversation with some of my fellow English majors and said something off-hand in the middle of a conversation. Just one of those rapid-fire conversational moments. It has been haunting me ever since. Not haunting me like a regret. It's not that crazed bashing itself into the walls of my brain kind of haunting. It's more like this thought has just found a comfortable spot and is sitting there, waiting for me to visit it, to converse with it, to fall in love with it. And I have been doing just that. Slowly. Just briefly stopping by to say hello, ask it how it's doing. I am cautious when it comes to these things. Plus this little guy caught me off-guard. He just snuck right into the middle of a conversation, so I wasn't quite sure how seriously to take him. Today I had a really good conversation with Bean about it though, and somewhere in the course of this caution fell asleep and I fell in love. I'm still hesitant to talk about it with very many people. It's something that may never happen. It's something that, even if it does happen, will not be for years and years. My trepidation also comes from doubt though. Doubt that I would ever be able to accomplish this. Doubt that others would be on board for it. It's still new, still delicate. I don't yet have the strength of conviction. It's coming though. I can feel it. So I am going to keep visiting this dream. He may have been a bit unexpected, but now that he's here I hope he doesn't leave.
I totally understand what you are feeling! I had a similar thing happen to me, and then I was criticized for it immediately. But now that the dream has been more persistent, I am slowly realizing that it might be good, however much I may doubt my ability to make it come true.
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