Sometimes I seriously wish my brain had an off switch. The last couple of weeks have been chockfull of those moments. Insomnia has been keeping me company. Panic has been seeping into my thoughts. Screams have been echoing through my mind. I need to be able to tell my brain to stop sometimes. I can tell when I'm getting sucked into panic mode, but I have yet to be able to completely avoid it. You know you're not in a good place when you can't focus in class because you are busy panicking about your future and when you bring homework with you to work in case you have some down time. All of this is wearing me thin and this thinness has made me fragile. I'm short-tempered. I burst into tears at the slightest provocation. I've been avoiding people, not because I don't like them, but because I don't want to inflict myself on them. My life is actually pretty darn good right now. School isn't yet in the mires of papers and exams (although that all starts this week), and work, despite being way too many hours right now, is actually enjoyable. And yet I can't shake this panic. Someone tell me how to turn my brain off.
I can totally empathize!
ReplyDeleteunfortunately, I haven't found that off switch either, hence this reply at 3am. lol
I did find though, that when I took a sleeping aid before bed I was better rested and more able to cope with life in general. Sleep-Eze works good.
good luck and let me know if you find that off switch! :)
The screaming is what used to really get me. I don't know that it has an off-switch; I think for me it faded as I found my feet and learned new ways to see.
ReplyDeleteI'm confident that you'll find your own ways to navigate your mind, though. I know how smart you are, and I know that you place great weight on things like trust and love. These sorts of things prove potent antidotes to anxiety when you let them.
In the mean time, hold tight to your "muchness." (And watch the recent Alice in Wonderland, if you haven't ;).)