Softly, calmly, immensity taps at your life

Tree
Jane Hirshfield

It is foolish
to let a young redwood
grow next to a house.

Even in this 
one lifetime,
you will have to choose.

That great calm being,
This clutter of soup pots and books -

Already the first branch-tips brush at the window.
Softly, calmly, immensity taps at your life.


I am horrible at decision-making. Always have been. Now I'm confronted with the immensity of my future. I'm struggling to feel like I'm making the right choice. And people telling me to listen to my heart, trust my gut and follow my instincts are not helping because my heart seems to be the root of the problem. It's flighty, refusing to settle on one single thing. In one moment I will think I know exactly what I want and then 10 minutes later I'm certain I want the opposite and then 10 minutes later I want neither of those things. I want it all. That's where this picture fits in, the intertwining of grasses is what I want but can't have. I'm petrified that I will make the wrong choice. I'm scared of regret. I'm beyond blessed to have options, but sometimes all I want to do is scream.