The Effort of Living

I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning. -- The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Some days when my alarm goes off getting out of bed and facing the day just seems like too much effort. Today was one of those days. It's not as if the day I had in front of me was awful (homework, choir rehearsal and work), but it was just blah. And Monday had really knocked the wind out of me. The morning was fine, but then sometime around noon Monday decided to slap me across the face. I burned the dinner I was trying to make to take to work, I dropped everything I touched for the span of about two hours. I acquired a raging headache. Miraculously work was somehow good, but once I got back and was trying to get some more reading done before bed I was overwhelmed with a sense of panic about graduation and my impending future. Of course this panic wouldn't listen to a voice of reason, nor would it kindly go away when I wanted to sleep, so I didn't sleep all that well. All of this meant that when my alarm went off this morning the last thing I wanted to do was put in the effort it would take to face the world. And all day I've been wishing I was back in bed. It's taking a lot of effort for me to simply interact with other people. I am forcing myself to do so in small amounts though because it is the best way I know of to keep myself sane. I'm starting to understand why people simply disappear sometimes though. The idea of going off the grid is incredibly appealing right now.