A Where's Waldo of Words

If you have ever lived with me, shared an office with me, been in class with me, or just been near me while I was writing a paper, you probably know that I am obsessed with finding exactly the right word for any given situation. I am literally uncomfortable until I find a word that I'm looking for. It's like The Princess and the Pea, if the mattresses were essay pages and the pea was an ill-advised word choice. It drives me crazy when I can't put my finger on what I'm trying to say. I search frantically through the thesaurus, I ask my friends, I ask random people who happen to be nearby. It can get ugly. And I'm not someone who is blessed with the ability to just leave it, move on, and come back to it. No. It bothers me. The wrong word dances around in the back of my head taunting me. It becomes like a game of Where's Waldo. One of the really hard ones. One of the ones where you kept spotting the same guy over and over again and had to keep reminding yourself that, no, that is not Waldo, but that other guy you keep pointing at. It is so frustrating. This obsession with finding "the exact right word" (as Ezra Pound would have it) has only intensified with thesis writing. I'm working on my proposal right now. It doesn't get a grade. It does have to get vetted by a committee. I am agonizing over every word choice because I have to clearly communicate my ideas to a whole group of people. It's a good exercise in articulation, but, man, it is tough.

Context

It seems strange that only a few weeks ago I was spending my days drinking coffee and reading while basking in the sun. There's still coffee. And reading. And sun. It just doesn't seem nearly as enjoyable. It's funny what a little change in context will do.

It's here!

Fall, my absolute favourite season, officially arrived on Friday!

Here it came in with lots of rain and lots of good times with friends. The leaves have just started changing, and the weather actually feels like fall now. I can't explain how happy this makes me.

I need a bigger umbrella, and other lessons learned on a rainy day

It rained today. A lot. I know, big shock since I'm in Nova Scotia, but I'm still unused to rain kind of coming out of nowhere. Here are a few things I learned today, some because of the rain and some just coincidentally on the same day as the rain.

1. I need a bigger umbrella. I have a great little umbrella that folds up and fits in a purse, but it is kind of too small for the intense amounts of rain that fall from the sky here. It keeps my head dry, but that's about it. I keep passing people with these awesome giant umbrella and thinking, "Man, I need one of those. I wonder where you get one."

2. I need a rain coat. Like an actual, full-on, waterproof, hooded rain jacket. I know, it's shocking to hear me say that. I have actively fought against wearing rain jackets for as long as I can remember. They are generally kind of ugly and don't breathe really well so I get seriously sweaty. But there is just no way I am going to survive out here without one. That being said, does anyone know where I can get a good, cute rain jacket?

3. I need to invest in a second pair of wellies to leave in my office. See, the rain today didn't start until mid-afternoon so I was already on campus. I was wearing ballet flats, which really aren't the best footwear when the street has become more like a river. If I had an extra pair of wellies stashed in my office, I could just pop them on when there is a surprise rain storm.

4. I can't type the word "nature." This is a problem since my thesis is on the depiction of landscape and how it influences identity. I have to type "nature" fairly frequently. I keep typing "natuer." I finally set my Pages auto-correct to just change it automatically.

5. I can remind myself of why I'm here by simply reading Anne Michaels. All doubts that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing are immediately erased. Even if the stress remains.

Doesn't mean anything, really

"Just because somebody likes something doesn't mean...anything, really." 

-- Zooey Deschanel in New York Magazine

I have a major girl crush on Zooey Deschanel, so I was eagerly anticipating the premiere of New Girl. I don't have a tv so I downloaded it on itunes (free, baby!). And I loved it. It was sweet and quirky and funny and touching. Quality television right there. In the lead up to the show I read this article in New York Magazine and this quote stuck with me. It comes in the context of talking about the age of social networking and how we think if we know everything that someone likes - their taste in books and movies and music -- that we know them. I thought this was really insightful. It really doesn't mean anything. Just because you share musical tastes with someone doesn't mean you are going to be best friends. It really does mean nothing. Yeah, it means you know a little bit about them, but it doesn't mean you know who they are. You're kind of missing out on some of the most important things. I liked this quote for another reason too. We put so much stock in what we like. I know I do. I mean, this whole blog is basically a tribute to things that I like. Sometimes it's good to remember that it doesn't actually matter all that much.

So, here's a picture I took on the way to Edmonton last weekend. I like it. Maybe that doesn't mean anything, really.

Perfect Little Details

I mentioned yesterday that I went back to Edmonton for a wedding this past weekend. The wonderful bride is a girl after my own heart. She was my first friend at King's and is one of those people who makes me feel like my strange eccentricities perhaps aren't that strange after all, or at the very least are endearing and lovely. She and I share a perfectionist streak and a penchant for the classic and beautiful. She is one of the few people I know other than myself who doesn't wear sweat pants in public. Ever. And who dresses for every occasion. I love her dearly and knew that her wedding would be a gorgeous affair. And it certainly was. A lot of this was due to the amount of love that was obviously going on in that room: the love of her and her new husband (who are possibly the cutest couple ever) and the love of every guest for the new couple. It was amazing. But beyond that, the details of the wedding were perfect: classic, simple, elegant, and gorgeous. The centrepieces on the reception tables were the embodiment of all these things. Gold frames stacked on top of each other with candle holders, simple white tapers, and little glass containers with strands of pearls cascading out of them arranged on top...they were incredible. I kept staring at it all night. And, get this, each table was named after a classic author (I was sitting at the William Shakespeare table)! Simply gorgeous.

Don't Let Your Feet Touch Ground

Don't Let Your Feet Touch Ground
Ash Koley

Standing up straight I'm ten feet tall
I like this look, I love you all
A hundred feet off the ground it seems
That a beautiful day is gracing me

Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down
Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down

I pull my boots up to my knees
No coats or hats, thank you please
I dig up dirt and I find no wrong
All while singing a silly song

Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down
Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down

There are no mistakes
Up in our secret place
We're not just getting by
Everything is fine

Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down
Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down
Don't let your feet touch ground
And don't look down


I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Edmonton for a wedding of two friends. It was absolutely crazy, but absolutely worth it. As we were taking off from Halifax on Friday night, this song came on my iPod. So fitting right? And isn't this a pretty rocking view from the plane window? I sure thought so.

Sorry I'm not home right now, I'm walking into spiderwebs

Sometimes quite literally...

Sorry it's been so quiet on here lately. I know there are some of you who basically rely on this blog to know I'm still alive and to keep up to date with what's going on with me. So, I haven't died. I've just started grad school. It's been a nutso couple of weeks. And they don't ease you into things. Everything just kind of hits you from day one, so I've been busy trying to find my sea-legs. Unfortunately this blog is one of the things I let slip when times get crazy. And not in any conscious decision, "okay, what can I drop?" kind of way either. In the falling asleep thinking, "oh right, I have a blog. I should post on that." kind of way.

Anyway, bear with me while I sort my life out. I will eventually find my stride and it will get easier (at least, that's what I've been told).

When you are a little bit unsteady

Sometimes the best things happen when you are a little bit unsteady.

I am someone who naturally seeks stability. I think of instability and think of earthquakes and collapsing bridges. I often forget that sometimes it's okay to be uncertain, unstable, and just generally off-kilter. It's good that life reminds me of this every so often.

Hello Grad School

Hello grad school, I'm Breanna. You're a bit scary, but I think I like you.

I kind of ripped that sentiment off from a friend. He just started law school, and wrote the same thing (substitute law school for grad school) as his facebook status. It made such perfect sense to me that I had to steal it for here. I hope he doesn't mind.

Orientation was Tuesday. Met some great people. Even though I was completely overwhelmed by all of the stuff I am required to do, in the end I am feeling far more positive about this whole experience. The excitement-fear balance is now tipped toward excitement.

Beautiful and Good Things

Luxury is not a necessity to me, but beautiful and good things are. - Anaïs Nin

On Saturday morning I went to check out the farmers' market here. It's amazing. It runs twice a week, all year round, and on Saturday's there are about 70 vendors. And it is a real farmers' market. There were only one or two booths that were selling crafty things. Instead, there was an embarrassment of riches in the food department. Beautiful vegetables and berries, local wines, fresh bread...everything one could hope for. One table was selling fresh flowers, and they were stunning. I bought myself a few stems to set on my table. They are absolutely delightful. There is something about having fresh flowers that always makes me feel better. They instantly provide me with a smile whenever I look at them. I think I may need to make a weekly tradition of going to the market on Saturday mornings. You know it's a good place when I will get out of bed to go.

Homesick

Back in Edmonton, today was the first day of registration at King's. For the past few years I've worked the registration table as one of the students who manages the line. And as crazy as the days were, I really enjoyed it. I loved seeing all of my friends, catching up briefly. I loved the crazy bustle of everyone being on campus at once. And today, I seriously missed it. I wanted to be there, in the middle of the chaos, seeing everybody. So, in a (partially successful) effort to overcome this particular bout of homesickness, I spent the day listening to Simon Hoskyn and Justine Vandergrift, and it has been helping me feel a bit more like I'm at home. One of the great blessing of being at King's was the fact that the community is so musically rich. I got to know, and listen to, some seriously talented musicians. Simon and Justine are just two of these people. I love their music and today it helped me feel a bit more in touch with the community I used to be a part of.