Oblivion

If ever there was a time when classical music expressed my soul, that time is now. I have a lot going on in my head right now. I've been talking out loud to myself all day just trying to work things through and figure things out. Alas, this endeavour has been less than successful and I have instead ended up running in mental circles. I feel like I am just repeating the same steps over and over again, but not making any progress. I went for a walk this evening to try to clear my head and took my ipod with me. "Oblivion" by Lucia Micarelli came on and it captures the exact sensation that I have in my soul right now. Actually her entire album, "Music from a Farther Room", is just exquisite and has become my soundtrack for the evening. While it isn't strictly classical pieces it definitely falls in the classical genre. If you have never heard Lucia Micarelli and have any fondness for classical music you should really have a listen. Anyway, I was walking along in the the darkening twilight after a thunderstorm with this song playing and it felt like a scene from a movie or something. It smelled fantastic because it had just rained and the air was that perfect post-summer-storm temperature. Unfortunately, for all the loveliness of this setting and this song, neither really helped me make any steps to calming my brain down. I have a feeling that sleep will not come easily tonight. Ah well, I will just listen to "Oblivion" on repeat and hope that it helps me drift off into the oblivion of sleep.

Something about the particular way I am feeling right now and the word oblivion makes me think of fog. Of simply fading away. Of trying to grasp something and having it just not quite come into focus. This picture is from Halifax several years ago. It was really foggy the day that we toured the Citadel, which actually made it that much more amazing. I love the effect that the fog has on the simple scene in this picture. Suddenly a parking lot attendant booth beside a road becomes magical and mysterious and beautiful.

Brilliant

This photo has absolutely nothing to do with my day today. However, I captures my Saturday perfectly. I spent the afternoon at the park for my best friend's birthday party and it was splendid. The weather was perfect, the company was delightful, and I got to be in the woods while the sun was beginning to set and taking on that golden sunset quality. Sublime. Afterwards a few of us went back to her parents' house and just sat around the kitchen table talking for hours. I do not even have words to express how perfect a day it was. That's not true, I have one word: brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

I've been wanting to post this photo for quite a while because it is one of my favorites, but I haven't had the ideal occasion until now. I took this while I was in Victoria last summer. We were driving through Beacon Hill Park the first evening I was there and the sun was just beginning to reach the horizon and kept coming through the trees in these brilliant flashes. There is a certain feeling to summer evenings and I think this picture captures it perfectly. Warm and somehow magical, the world is awash in soft light and everything seems beautiful and perfect. That is exactly the way that yesterday felt as well. It's funny, because as much as I love language sometimes I find that words just fail and I begin to think in pictures. This is one such instance. There is so much more wrapped up in this picture than I could express here.

Beauty and Imperfection go together wonderfully

I love taking pictures of flowers. Especially close up, macro kinds of shots. There are just so many amazing and lovely details in each flower. Color, variations in shade, the shape and fullness of the petals. And no flower is perfect. I love that. It's the imperfections that make things lovely. In fact, I find that I often fixate on capturing those imperfections on film (or SD card, as the case may be). My mom brought one of our peonies into the house the other day and it has bloomed in just a couple days. Peonies are simply gorgeous. They are full and lush. This particular peony has some redish pink streaks that are revealing themselves as it blooms and I love them. Truly gorgeous.

Asking for Directions

In Dublin, all the crosswalks are labelled like this. At least, the ones in the touristy areas are. It's because they drive on the opposite side of the road and they don't want people to die because they were checking for traffic coming the wrong way. The instruction is nice. Wouldn't it be great if life was like this? Had directions painted on the road, maybe some nice signs along the way? I am starting to formulate an idea of what I want to do with my life. But it's more of the "when I am 25, I would like to be..." kind of idea. Right now I still feel like I'm floundering. I feel like I have too many interests and can't choose what to focus on. I would just really appreciate a very clear indication of what I am supposed to be doing RIGHT NOW, as in this summer. Don't get me wrong, I like having ambitions and dreams for the future, but they are so tenuous. The smallest change now could make them impossible or completely change my mind about what I want. I just feel a little lost. But then again, doesn't everybody feel lost from time to time? I think it's just part of growing up.

The Gathering Storm

I don't live in southern Alberta, so I am not currently experiencing endless rain and intense flooding. I hope that those of you who do live in southern Alberta are managing to stay dry. However, it has been hot and humid (for Alberta anyway) and so the occasional thunderstorm has been rolling in. I love thunderstorms. There is just something truly wonderful about them. Maybe it's because they could be a metaphor for me as a person. Things just build and build and eventually explode in this spectacular fashion. Sometimes the outcome is good and sometimes it is disasterous. I feel like that is the point I'm at right now, the gathering of the storm. For the most part things are okay, and yet there is just something about certain moments that has been putting me on edge. It's weird and I'm not entirely sure how to explain it. So I am going to stop trying and move on to discussing the photo. I took this a couple summers ago when an actual storm was starting to brew on the horizon. Clouds fascinate me. I think it is because of how they affect light in such amazing ways. The build up of clouds, the promise of a storm...something is about to happen, I just wish I knew what it was.

Fairies, Feys, and Sprites

    She gave him a look of the most intense admiration, and he thought it was because he had run away, but it was really because he knew fairies. Wendy had lived such a home life that to know fairies struck her as quite delightful. She poured out questions abou them, to his suprise, for they were rather a nuisance to him, getting in his way and so on, and indeed he sometimes had to give them a hiding. Still, he liked them on the whole, and he told her about the beginnig of fairies.
    "You see, Wendy, when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies."
    Tedious talk this, but being a stay-at-home she liked it.
    "And so," he went on good-naturedly, "there ought to be one fairy for every boy and girl."
    "Ought to be? Isn't there?"
    "No. You see children know such a lot now, they soon don't believe in fairies, and every time a child says, 'I don't believe in fairies,' there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead."
--Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

    Her voice was so low that at first he could not make out what she said. Then he made it out. She was saying that she thought she could get well again if children believed in fairies.
    Peter flung out his arms. There were no children there, and it was night time; but he addressed all who might be dreaming of the Neverland, and who were therefore nearer to him than you think: boys and girls in their nighties, and naked papooses in their baskets hung from trees.
    "Do you believe?" he cried.    Tink sat up in bed almost briskly to listen to her fate.
    She fancied she heard answers in the affirmative, and then again she wasn't sure.
    "What do you think?" she asked Peter.
    "If you believe," he shouted to them, "clap your hands; don't let Tink die."
    Many clapped.
    Some didn't.
    A few little beasts hissed.
    The clapping stopped suddenly; as if countless mothers had rushed to theirnurseries to see what on earth was happeing; but already Tink was saved. First her voice grew strong, then she popped out of bed, then she was flashing through the room more merry and impudent than ever. She never thought of thanking those who believed, but she would have like to get at the ones who had hissed.
--Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

There is something truly delightful about fairies. I grew up as a kid who loved fantasy so I continue to have a soft spot for all things fantastical. I think that being read fairy tales and books like Lord of the Rings, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, and A Wrinkle in Time as a kid is one of the reasons that I developed such an imagination. I am very thankful for that because I firmly believe that imagination is a gift. As I've gotten older, I have become more and more fascinated by Celtic lore and legend and fairies factor into that rather prominently. Really though, I just have a love of the fantastical. I have a particular love of Tinkerbell from Peter Pan (the Disney version that is). She has so much spunk and attitude. It's fantastic. I also am rather in love with the movie Finding Neverland; it's one of my top five favorite films. I love the moments in the movie with both of these quotes. The first quote I can never read without hearing the voice of the actress who plays Peter in play in the film (that is a confusing sentence...hopefully you get it). Plus the image of a baby's laugh shattering into a thousand pieces that all go skipping about is just so...magical. In the illustrated copy of Peter Pan that I have the quote is accompanied by a delightful picture of a laughing baby with fairies flying all around him. Actually all of the illustrations are wonderful. The version I have is illustrated by Michael Hague and one of the pictures is exactly what I think of every time I think of Tinkerbell. The second quote I have up top is from a part of Finding Neverland that never fails to make me tear up.

So, you are probably thinking to yourself that all this is fine and dandy but really seems to have nothing to do with a picture of a flower. Well, admittedly I am not sure I would have come to this connection on my own, but there is a reason I have paired these musings on fairy folk with this image. One of the first people I showed it to said that it looked like a fairy seat. As if the fairy lived inside the flower and just happened not to be home at that moment. Or maybe she was and fairies just don't show up on camera...

A bit of fragrance clings to the hand that gives flowers

Yesterday my parents came home from grocery shopping and my mom handed me a bouquet of flowers to cheer me up after my awful day on Friday. And let me tell you, it worked. I don't get flowers very often (unless I buy them for myself), so it really was a treat for me to get them, and they are lovely. They're a bunch of dyed spray mums. I have recently decided that spray mums and spider mums are probably two of my favorite flowers. These ones are dyed in bright summery colors: orange, yellow, blue, purple, and coral. One of the things I like about dyed flowers is that they tend to dye unevenly and take on a verigated color. It's quite lovely. These coral ones are some of my favorites in the bunch, so naturally I had to take pictures of them! I hope they brighten your day as much as they did mine.

Floral Sunshine

Some spots of floral sunshine to match the sunny afternoon I had. Positively lovely. I spent a good portion of today sitting in the sunshine and reading Wicked. Certainly a lovely way to spend an afternoon. Tomorrow Mom and I are going to wander over to the farmers' market in Callingwood. I'm rather excited about it actually. I love wandering through farmers' markets, especially if it is sunny and summery out, which it is supposed to be tomorrow.

On the Inside Looking Out

I'm sure that everyone has heard the phrase "on the outside looking in". It conjours images of the Little Match Girl, or Sara from A Little Princess standing on the street watching the warm and happy lives of the Large family. Sometimes though, I think that the inverse of that phrase is just as true. Sometimes you can be on the inside looking out and wanting to be out just as much as the ones outside want to be in. The circumstances of life can become so controlling sometimes and one can end up feeling trapped. Windows can be awful because they allow one to see out of the cage they are in, but very rarely provide any real connection or possibility of escape. Sorry that this is coming across as emo, it's just something I've been thinking about lately, this feeling of being trapped. I'm not trying to be depressing and I'm actually in a pretty good place mentally right now. This is more of a philosophical pondering, the kind that I am prone to late at night when I've been in hermit mode for a while. I've definitely spent this summer so far feeling rather trapped by some circumstances in my life. I've been spending a good amount of time daydreaming about what I would be doing/what I will do once I'm not in this particular position any more. It's one of the reasons art has become so big a part of my life. For some reason if I am creating things then I feel less trapped, less stuck in the mire of circumstances, and more in control of what is happening. There is always a note of melancholy to daydreams when in this kind of position though. Somewhere in the back of my mind is the knowledge that I am not in a position to do the things I'm dreaming about right now and that always leaves the slightest hint of sadness and desperation on my dreams.

On to the photo. I took this one when my family visited Fortress Louisbourg in Nova Scotia a couple of years ago. It was grey and rainy and cold (as is fitting for Nova Scotia) and something about the way the misty light was coming in this window struck me. It's a photo that I come back to frequently. I feel like there are so many potential emotions locked up in this image and depending on what I'm dealing with I find it can either be hopeful and cheery or rather melancholy. Today it's feeling melancholy. I love it though.

A Glimpse of the Vortex

The past few days have fallen into a lovely rhythm. I sleep in and then after lunch I spend some time on the piano. Eventually I move downstairs where I have taken over the basement table with my art supplies. I spend entire afternoons (and on occasion, evenings) just caught up in artistic pursuits. I seriously love it. There is something truly delicious about the experience of creating something. It's like I'm sucked into this vortex of creativity though. I sit down there and put my headphones in just create. It's an utterly fantasitc feeling, but does mean that I occasionally lose contact with the outside world. Text messages from friends have been known to languish away on my phone without any response, my father almost gave me a heartattack the other night when he came downstairs to get me for dinner, my mother will speak to me every so often and I won't hear anything she says. Oh well. As much as I love people, I am actually a hermit at heart. Frankly, this particular expression of my hermit tendencies is probably healthier than shutting myself in my room and watching endless tv shows and movies. I'm pretty sure it is at least better for my mental stability.

Anyway, last post I was talking about the new oil pastels I bought myself. I've been fooling around with them, mostly just playing with color and blending, and I thought I would share a glimpse at a couple of the results. The second photo makes the work look a lot more blue than it actually is (oh the downsides of photographing things in my bedroom with only the camera flash...), but it still gives a pretty good idea of what I've been working on. So, if you have tried to contact me in the past couple of days and it has taken me hours to respond...this is why.

Now if only I could find a job that would allow me to be creative all day. Any suggestions?

The Sensation of Art

I spent today deeply immersed in creative activities. I loved every second of it. There is nothing more satisfying to me than being surrounded by art and completely surrendering myself to the experience. I went into the art supply store at the mall and while I was there treated myself to a pack of 50 oil pastels. I've been hankering after oil pastels for a while now so I decided to finally just break down and get some. As you probably have guessed, my prefered mediums for artistic expression are writing, music and photography, but I seriously love dabbling in other forms of art. I'm a particular fan of ink and pastels. I'm certainly not the most talented artist in these mediums, but that kind of isn't the point. It's more about the sensation of art. The feeling I get when I'm in the moment of creativity, the visual play of color and texture and line, the feel of holding a pen or a brush, the smell of the art supplies. There are so many elements. My new pastels smell like art to me. I think this is because smell is so strongly linked to memory and the smell of pastels brings me back to art class in junior high. Whatever the reason, I love how they smell and look and feel and I am so excited to break them in.

Beautiful Weekend

The weather this weekend was completely gorgeous. I got to soak up some sun while sitting outside reading poetry and writing letters. It was kind of an English geeky weekend, but lovely nonetheless.

I actually took this picture a couple weeks ago, just when the buds on the rose bush were starting to show up. I liked how they looked. It seems almost suprising that a flower can show up out of that. But they certainly have their own beauty about them.

Blossom

One of the things I love about photography is the ability to capture emotions in unexpected images. Take this picture of the blossoms on my neighbour's crab apple tree. I love these trees a lot (as I have previously rambled about here and here) and was super excited a few weeks ago when they were all in full bloom. Sadly, the weather was disgusting so I only got a few shots of them. This picture just screams "celebration" to me. There is somthing so joyful about the branches loaded with flowers and the sun just peaking through the rain clouds to light up on bunch of blooms. Yes, I realize that some people may call me crazy for suggesting that flowers can be happy or sad, but I am okay with that.

Motiveless Malignant

Here is the latest addition to my collection of old books. Courtesy of my grandmother, I have accquired a book containing Shakespeare's four major tragedies: Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, Macbeth, and Othello. Now I am not the biggest fan of Shakespeare ever. I have an appreciation for his work, but after taking a Shakespeare class I'm a bit...unenthralled. Regardless, I do sincerly love Macbeth and Othello. The second picture from this set is Lady Macbeth's famous "unsex me here" speech. She is one of the most fearsome ladies in all of literature. Fabulous. And her speeches are incredible. This particular one is from Act One, Scene Five and is just chilling. Especially when delivered by a great actress. The third picture is from Othello and is the last part of a speech by Iago, the best example of pure evil one can find in Shakespeare. I love reading his speeches for the same reason as Lady Macbeth. The word choice is just so powerful and epic. Iago fascinates me because he is entirely motiveless. As a play, Othello fascinates me for so many other reasons, but linguistically it is all about Iago.

In case you haven't guessed by now, I love taking pictures of words (witness examples here and here). I think it's because I can combine my love of language with my love of photography and end up with an image that, for me, conveys such a depth of meaning. Plus, I just like how some words look. And I think that books sometimes deserve to be looked at in new and unique ways.

So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight but I'm just surviving

Today was rough. That is all. Fortunately, one of the things I love about music is that it can often capture exactly what it is that I want to say. This song does just that today.

Sweet Silver Lining

Kate Voegele

Well I’m going
Home
Downhearted and hoping
I’m close
To some new beginning
I know
There’s a reason for everything
That comes and goes

But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But I’m just surviving
And I may be weak but I’m never defeated
And I’ll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining

Most days
I try
My best to put on a brave face
But inside
My bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while
Something’s keeping me safe
And alive

But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But I’m just surviving
And I may be weak but I’m never defeated
And I’ll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining

And I won’t give up like this
I will be given strength
Now that I’ve found it
Nothing can take that away

But so many people are looking to me

To be strong and to fight

But I'm just surviving

And I may be weak but I'm never defeated

And I'll keep believing

In clouds with that sweet silver lining

But so many people are looking to me

To be strong and to fight

But I'm just surviving

And I may be weak but I'm never defeated

And I'll keep believing

In clouds with that sweet silver lining

Loving on Canada

I am proudly Canadian. In the past few years I've come to love this country a lot. There are some absolutely beautiful places here. However, as much as that appeals to the photographer in me, I think that discovering the Canadian music scene has been what has really sold me on the awesomeness of Canada. Seriously, what is it with this country that we are just bleeding musical talent? I once heard someone joke that it is because it's so cold here that we all have to find some way to pass the time. Maybe that has some truth to it. Whatever is in the water here though has produced some musicians that are truly phenomenal. I recently (as in yesterday) discovered the Canada Live podcast from CBC and absolutely adore it. I'm not normally a podcast person. The only other one I subscribe to is The Vinyl Cafe, also from CBC and also a great example of how awesome Canada is. I was on the CBC website though (yes I know I'm cool) and there was an ad for the latest episode of Canada Live and it seemed intriguing so I went to check it out and lo and behold it was right up my alley. Basically it is a weekly recording of live performances by some of Canada's big names in music. The Trews, The Wooden Sky, Jets Overhead, Basia Bulat, Great Lake Swimmers, Iron & Wine, Luke Doucet, Jill Barber, Sarah Slean, Metric...the list goes on and on. Plus it is free music every week.

So, I'm not actually sure this is a maple leaf. In fact, I highly doubt it. After all it was taken in London, England. However, I figured it would suffice since I lack a picture of an actual maple leaf. I also really like the background of this image and how the leaf plays off the colours of the stones.

Drip, drip, drop, little [June] shower

If April showers bring May flowers, then what do June showers bring? This has certainly been a rather dreary spring so far. I took these pictures last week while wandering my mom's garden. The lily-of-the-valley are so lovely. These ones are quite short and grow really close to the ground so I actually just stuck my camera down and snapped some shots. I think they turned out rather well. (My other option was prostrating myself in the muddy garden and frankly I wasn't feeling that hardcore.)

By the way, stay tuned for some changes to the blog's appearance.

See No Evil?

Wow, I have been crumby at posting regularly this week. I am sorry.

I was having some difficulty coming up with an idea for today's post when I stumbled across these images. These are the photos I took for my IS conference project in the fall of 2008. The conference was on "invisible dignity" so I took these photos of the "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" poses (thanks to my lovely roomie who posed for the images) and displayed them on a canvas that I covered with a collage of words and images from magazines that related to the ideas presented in the conference about those who have become invisible in our society. Here's the artist's statement that I submited with the piece (sorry about it being a little bit preachy at moments):

The idea for this project began with a question voiced by Dennis Edney, lawyer to Omar Khadr, which came up over and over again throughout the entire conference: how could this happen? How have so many people fallen through the cracks without anyone stepping in to help?

This question really provoked me and as I thought about it all that came to my head was the phrase “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil”. As Christians we often use this phrase to describe how we should live. While avoiding evil is a good thing, I feel that this mentality has allowed us to become complicit in stripping away the dignity of others. In our efforts to see no evil we allow people to become invisible by not looking at them. In trying to hear no evil we become deaf to the stories of others and their cries for help. In attempting to speak no evil we say nothing in defense of those who are in need.

The three central pictures in this piece should be familiar to almost everyone. They are photos I have taken of the “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” poses. These photos are surrounded by clippings from newspapers and magazines with images and words representative of those who possess invisible dignity. The elderly, the Inuit, farmers, third world citizens, the homeless, the mentally and physically disabled, victims of crime, these are just a few of the groups represented in this piece. Even the piece in its entirety does not represent everyone with invisible dignity. The three photos are large in comparison with the rest of the images since the reaction implied by them blocks out all possibility of recognizing those around us with invisible dignity. Despite the almost desperate covering of the eyes, ears, and mouth these people do not go away, they continue to exist all around us.

There is a phrase in the piece which says, “A world of unavoidable beauty, lost to avoidable blindness.” If we would open our eyes, uncover our ears, and unclench our mouths we would indeed see and hear evil, but we would also see and hear beauty. We would be freed to step up and make a difference, to unveil the dignity of those around us.

So, do you really see no evil?

There you have it. Not related to my day in any way, but an actual post nonetheless.

"Water makes many Beds" - Emily Dickinson

A week ago I posted a picture of this plant covered in rain droplets. Yesterday I took another wander through my mom's garden to hunt out photo opportunities and noticed that one leaf on the plant was holding this giant drop of water. I love how the sun is hitting the leaves and sparkling on the water. Yesterday was one of the few nice days in the past little while so it was refreshing to see the garden in the sunlight. There was something profoundly melancholy about this little scene though. At least for me there was. The bright shining sun brought the plants to life (figuratively speaking) and yet there was still this little well of water like a reminder of the dreary, unpleasant past. This small, but persistent remanent of hardship and sorrow. Is that reading too much into this image? I think not, but I'm sure some people would argue that it is. Therefore, for the sake of those readers I shall stop my musings here.

Confessional

It is no secret that I love musical theatre. What is perhaps a better kept secret is that I often wish I had the guts and the means to pursue musical theatre (more than just watching the occasional musical). If King's put on a musical I would be on board in a heartbeat. Or if we had a glee club...man that would be awesome. I spent so much of the time I was in voice lessons singing musical theatre pieces and yet when I recorded my cd I decided to do a bunch of jazz stuff. Occasionally I regret that. I know that this is probably a weird confession because if you know me then you know that I have serious stage fright issues. I hated piano and voice recitals because my hands shake so much that it makes playing the piano hard, turning pages difficult, and holding a mic still nearly impossible. And yet every time I watch an episode of Glee or some Disney channel movie where there's singing and dancing (you know, High School Musical, Camp Rock, Starstruck...) or see a musical I get this overwhelming desire to actually be immersed in the musical theatre world. Seriously.

This picture is only tangentally related to the above ramblings. Heart connects to passion...? Regardless, I kind of like the photo. I actually took this one day when I was really bored and painting my nails. I painted this little heart on a post-it and liked how obvious the brushstrokes were so I took a photo.

All You Need is Cheese

I realize that this picture has nothing to do with cheese. However, in my head, which is a very strange place most of the time, this picture and cheese are connected. I shall try to explain. Cheese makes me think of a) the food and the really annoying "all you need is cheese" ad campaign (does anyone else find those ads mildly disturbing?) and b) cheesy things, like movies and music and tv shows. I've been in a really weird headspace for the past few days and I really have no idea why. Maybe the weather has something to do with it, but I think it has been compounded by other things that are going on in my life right now. Regardless of the source of it, I've been a bit 'off' lately and have been trying to figure out how to cheer myself up and break out of my funk. Turns out the solution has been cheesy tv, movies, and music (and you were wondering how cheese and my mood were connected...patience Iago...). I've been listening to pop music (of the variety that it is vaguely embarassing to admit that I like it, but I love it nonetheless) and watching cheesy Disney channel/Family channel tv shows and movies (again, some people I know would be ashamed to associate with me if they knew that I was spending copious amounts of quality time with Disney channel stars). I know that this probably makes me incredibly uncool, but since I was never cool in the first place I am okay with it. Besides, it seems to be just what the doctor ordered. I am loving it.

If you have made it through that convoluted explaination of how cheese is even on my mind then you are probably thinking "That's great Breanna, but how does this connect to a picture of sunshine and flowers?" Well, my mood has become significantly sunshinier since my last post because of the vast quantities of cheesy media I have been consuming. Thus, even though it was grey and rainy today, I feel kind of like this picture on the inside. Bright, colorful, sunshiney, just plain old happy. It's nice. I took this picture last summer in Victoria at the Hatley Castle grounds. It was such a gorgeous day and we spent quite a while wandering through the gardens. Good times, summer, and sunshine are all things that suit my newly improved mood. Apparently sometimes it really is true that all you need is cheese.